biskitsmama

300

2010-07-16T10:56:00.001-05:00

today is my 300th post here at biskitsmama and with this post, i would like to say goodbye.

i have given up being a blogger and have turned into a tumblr.

i'm going to keep this up for now because i have 6 years worth of memories on here, that i'm not quite ready to let go of.

that being said, i'm starting a new chapter in life and this has to go.

thank you and goodnight. xo. kat.

i live(d) east

2009-11-16T14:30:00.001-06:00

i've been holding this in for way too long, but i guess in most circles the cat is out of the bag, so to make a long story short, evan and i are moving into an apartment in 2.5 weeks. after 3 years of living in a home it took almost a year to build, i'm moving back to where i started.

point is, tim and i are going through a separation. bummer. i know. but what can we do? life keeps throwing us curve balls and we aren't doing a good job at batting them away.

we're hoping that living apart will help bring us back together. if not, then we'll hopefully move forward as really excellent co-parents and someday even friends!

so there, i've said it. i'm miserable and terrified, yet wishing for the best. some parts of this are exciting, like getting to decorate my own place again and that whatever the future holds, it has to be better then where i am now, so good things are on the horizon, i can feel it.

in case you didn't know, bad tv and a glass of cheap wine do wonders for escapism. xo. kat.

hung

2009-08-24T21:00:00.002-05:00

as heard last night while watching "hung" on HBO, "i divorced a boy, so that i could marry a man". something to ponder.....

things they are-a-changin' xo. kat

ps: yes, i decided to get HBO again, they had me at "true blood".

breaking up

2009-07-20T11:31:00.003-05:00

breaking up with anyone is an insanely hard decision. it consumes you on so many levels. whether you are letting go of a relationship w/ your significant other, your friend, a family member, a job, it just doesn't matter. it's all consuming and unhealthy. at some point you just have to cut lose your strings and move forward. kind of like "if you set them free and they come back, it was meant to be". i'm a firm believer in that, so i'm starting the slow process of setting everyone free. i'm not saying i want to be alone, it's just that i am so overwhelmed with life that i only have room for so much. the pain that everyone else is suffering is weighing on me heavily and i don't have it in me anymore. the weight from my own suffering is killing me and for evan's sake i have no choice, but to let go of everything else and find happiness within myself again before i can allow other people back in.

i know that comes across as shallow, harsh, callous, bitter, angry, and a zillion other hateful things being thrown my way, but i have no choice but to be ok with that.

sometimes starting over kicks you in the ass, sometimes it's for the best. that is all. kat.

random thought for the morning.

2009-07-01T10:44:00.003-05:00

interesting thing about facebook is that you realize that 98% of the guys you grew up with and had massive crushes on, completely went downhill. about 1% stayed exactly the same and the other 1% transformed into something better.

curious if the guys have the same perspective?

btw...i no longer am a business owner, more to follow on that.... xo. kat.

which way did he go?

2009-06-10T16:59:00.002-05:00

dear hermit.

your entire online presence seemed to disappear today. hope everything is ok.

kind of bummed one of my fav blogs is down. xoxo. kat.

wasting away

2009-06-06T21:31:00.002-05:00

at what point do you say screw it, i've had enough. i love you, but i just don't like who we are anymore and i'm not sure if it's repairable? is staying together for the sake of a child the right reason or should you say goodbye before it gets even worse?

an ending is always a new beginning. that is all. kat.

sinkhole

2009-05-19T14:41:00.002-05:00

currently wishing that i didn't feel this way. i am drowning in my misery and slowly starting to feel emotionally empty and void. the only bright light in my life is evan and knowing that at least one of the things that causes me the most pain / anger / heartache will be gone in 5 weeks at the latest.

now if that other thing could magically resolve itself life would be great. not sure how to make that happen, not even sure if i have the energy.

that is all. kat.

sports.

2009-05-13T08:46:00.003-05:00

once i moved from houston to austin, i stopped watching professional sports w/ the exception of the superbowl and when the astros made the series. there is almost a spell over austin that makes you believe that all professional sports can not compete with college (namely UT) football. that they will never live up to longhorn pride. i have become prey to that spell and i'm ok with it. it saves a lot of time and energy and i like knowing where i'll be every saturday of the UT season.

that being said....since i moved from california i have been OVER the lakers. seriously OVER the lakers. for a while i was a devoted rockets fan and have been to multiple games, but once i left houston i was OVER the rockets. now i find myself completely immersed in this laker / rockets play off situation. granted i don't waste time watching the entire games, because i consider myself bad luck to the rockets if i do, but i really hope the rockets win this. i don't care if the next team beats their ass by 40 points per game and they don't make it to the championship, but i can't stand the thought of once again the lakers (and that great player, yet douche, known as kobe bryant) beating us.

go rockets! please win on thursday and kill during game 7. xo. kat.

seven years and this is what happens?

2009-04-01T17:43:00.002-05:00

this month will mark 7 years that tim has been working at the same company. in honor of this and on april fool's day, he was called into his bosses office and laid off. i mean it has to be an elaborate joke, right? nope, his last day is friday and they did say that when the company is doing better, they'd love to have him back if he hasn't found a job. to this i say, screw you and good riddance.

i'm trying to look at the bright side of all of this. he really wants to do something different and has for years. he'll get unemployment (for up to 8 months) and worst case scenario we sell the house and live off the decent chunk of equity we've built up.

hoping for the best and that he ends up finding the happiness in his career that he so deserves. i know i'm fortunate to have found mine, so i am looking at all of this as his chance!

this should be interesting...xo. kat.

question

2009-03-31T10:37:00.002-05:00

why be anonymous on the web? someone is always going to find out and yep, you're going to be embarrassed by something you said / did / photo taken, so just own up to it already and move on.

random thought for the day. no meaning. no story behind it. xo. kat.

twitter change

2009-03-15T17:31:00.002-05:00

if you are following me on twitter without actually having a twitter account, my new URL is:

http://twitter.com/kathrynsxsw

you follow me, i follow you. xo. kat.

can't stop laughing & i need to laugh

2009-03-12T12:08:00.004-05:00

current favorite movie quote that continues to make me laugh every time i hear / or think about it:

"you have jesus christ between your thighs...only with a shorter beard"

hoping to meet jason segel this week! xoxo. kat.

ps: something else exceptionally funny: http://southbygirls.com/

holy SX

2009-03-12T11:49:00.003-05:00

sxsw 2009 is officially here. today at 4pm i move into the austin convention center and do not leave until tuesday evening. after that i'm on call 24/7 for music and that will also include some for sure shifts at night and probably the day as well. it's all good, i no longer miss fully attending the event because i honestly find a ton of awesomeness in just the energy the surrounds the event.

since that time of year is upon us, things will be sparse here on biskitsmama, not like they haven't been lately anyway.

anywho...i'll be fully functioning on my twitter account, all day all the time, so check me out there - www.twitter.com/txrocks75

apart from that i have some upcoming post titles to wet your appetite for after the event (or possibly during):

"she sends kisses"
"raw pain"
"sxsw 2009 wrap up"
"forgiveness & healing"
"facebook over myspace"
"a decade later"
"new site, new look"

on that note, i'm out. follow me on twitter if you don't already and i'll see you at the ACC, a showcase, party, etc. xoxo. kat.

ps: if you're in austin for SXSW IA, i put together a panel called "are pr companies a dying breed" - it's sunday at 5pm, room 10 @ the ACC, right before the web awards pre-party, come find me and say hi! xo.

ner-vous

2009-02-18T17:04:00.004-06:00

the last 2 weeks have been crazy busy at work and even crazier in my personal life. i can't even really go into it now, but i'm thinking that after this weekend the chaos will have been well worth it. that being said, tonight i am meeting jay & scott's family for the first time in about a decade and i'm a nervous wreck. i'm thrilled this is happening and that i'll be able to physically reconnect with them and introduce them to evan, as well as see peter, james and steven, but the anticipation of this dinner is killing me. i so wish tim could join me, but this is all happening in houston and he's guest bartending at the mohawk tonight from 5-8, if you're in austin.

anywho...i'm broken out, i'm bloated, i don't own waterproof mascara and i have no idea what to wear. basically i'm a disaster right now. i mean i haven't seen anyone since scott passed away, which was three years after jay (which will be 13 years this july)...i mean the enormity of this reunion is so mentally draining, but all in a good way.

now i'm rambling, as i tend to do. i don't even think a klonopin will help at this point. i'll fill you in on the crazy after this weekend, when i can better sum it up as new things are happening each day.

wish me luck that i don't break down into tears the second i walk into the restaurant. xoxo. kat.

fear factor

2009-02-03T10:44:00.004-06:00

i was talking to my friend ali this morning and she was telling me of her son's undying love for this beautiful little girl lily. lily happens to be the daughter of her husband's ex-girlfriend. lucky for all of them, they are all best friends, so one day when asher does propose to lily, the families will be joined together officially in love.

this got me thinking....what if evan falls in love with one of my ex-boyfriends kids. will i be able to handle it? for the most part they've all had girls, so i might be safe in that aspect, not that i would care either way. BUT the real question is what if she falls in love with the son of "the ex". granted this kid is freaking cute, which is a give-in because his parents are both attractive people. that being said, his parents totally dislike me. anywho....what if they meet here in austin public school and fall in love and that's it for them. how would i digest that? would we end up w/ a capulet and montague situation? lord i hope not.

this also brings up the subject of the fact that tim has no less then 4 ex-girlfriends living in austin and so far they are pretty equal in the boy / girl baby making. what if she marries one of them? actually...that wouldn't be so bad considering i really love and enjoy those ex's and their families.

it's just a weird thing to think about and i'd like to thank asher for his song "i'm going to marry lily. lily will you marry me", which was the inspiration of this little blurb.

this now concludes my break for the day. back to work. xoxo. kat.

stupid facebook

2009-02-01T20:11:00.001-06:00

25 Random Things About Kat:

RULES: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. my mother is the top ever female winner on the show tic-tac-dough w/ wink martindale.

2. my grandmother has 2 felonies under her belt for 'solicitation for capital murder' - circa 1977 - don't F w/ me.

3. there is an irvine kathryn, a houston kathryn and an austin kathryn. you don't want to mess w/ the houston kathryn.

4. i sleep with a nebraska cornhuskers blanket every night and i call it my woobie. my fear is that one day evan will want my woobie and i won't be able to give it up to her.

5. i'm pretty sure i like grease 2 over the original grease.

6. i'm terrified of death / dying / the afterlife. yet i KNOW my loved ones are in a better place.

7. i used to have an entire wall in my bedroom dedicated to NKOTB and then johnny doidge locked me out of my house and made me watch through the window as he destroyed it. i'm still a little bitter ; )

8. i pretty sure that i've only purchased make-up for myself under 10xs in my entire lifetime. i'm 33 and my mom still buys it for me.

9. i'm a blue belt in taekwondo.

10. i used to love listening to the eagles in my parents atrium while they were working in the yard. it's the only happy memory i have of them as a couple.

11. i miss my mama and GG so much it physically hurts.

12. i don't speak to 1 of my step sisters or to my half sister. i love them both, just not sure how to reconcile the past.

13. every time i leave the house to go on a trip, i make sure it's clean and completely organized so that if i die, it will be easy for someone to step in and take care of my "estate" if you will.

14. i wish i could take back some things that happened in 1996 -1998, even if they made us all the people we are today.

15. i really miss beke, stephanie, julie, katie, leeann, anissa and natalia.

16. i am proud to be irish and an irwin.

17. i married into the best family ever. seriously. if you know a blood lasater you'll know what i'm talking about.

18. when i'm pissed there are only 2 things that make me feel better. 'bricks are heavy' by L7 and 'mutilation makes identification difficult' by brutal juice.

19. if a tv show is geared towards a teen or tween audience, it's highly probable that i watch it and love it.

20. i wish both sets of my parents lived in austin.

21. i've never been out of the united states, but have crossed a large body of water by visiting hawaii.

22. i once tried out for a tv game show pilot. they asked me my biggest fear, i said pickles. i didn't get the part and the show turned out to be 'fear factor'.

23. i'm a native texan, but i consider california my home.

24. at least once a night i place my hand on either evan's chest or tim's back to make sure they are breathing.

25. apart from my family / friends / dogs, i love to read more then anything else on the planet. i would like to thank mr. soderberg (sp) for that and my mom for funding my habit.

bonus round:

26. i secretly wish to be discovered by quentin tarantino only to become his new muse.

thirty-three

2009-01-15T20:01:00.002-06:00

15 days ago i turned the ripe old age of 33. that means that jesus, rolling rock and myself all have something in common for the next 350 days. since my birthday happens to fall on new years eve, it's fitting that i try to make a couple of new year resolutions. typically they fall under the category of getting more physically fit or eating better, but let's face i still love spagettios and processed cheese. i'm destined to be a lard ass who is highly likely to die at an early age because of heart failure.

BUT on a more positive note, here are my new year resolutions. three in total as it seems fitting being thirty-three and all that jazz. i'll let you know this time next year how things turn out.

1. concentrate on family more. this includes being a better wife / mother / daughter / sister / sister in law / cousin / etc. this also includes spending more time with my immediate and extended family. i owe it to myself to learn / experience what i can while we're all still around. this possibly also includes a reconciliation with 2 of my 3 sisters (step & half).

2. de-clutter my life. this includes getting rid of things in my house that are just taking up space and serving no purpose. ie: clothing / accessories / books / kitchen crap / paperwork / hanging pictures & art currently stored under the bed, in the closet and in boxes, as well as forcing tim to go through all his junk piled in the corner of our bedroom / laundry room / hall closet and shed.

3. bring sexy back. i am 100% a jeans / t-shirt / converse kind of girl. i also have a side of me that is obsessed with dresses and fabulous high heels. i'm talking about 30+ pairs of 3+ inch heels in all shapes and colors. point is, i need to break out of my comfort zone and realize it's ok to wear heels to the grocery store / work / target / whatevs. it's also ok to take the time to put on make-up / blow dry / style my hair and not sit around in my pjs all day since i work from home, where i'm lucky if i've brushed my hair (or let's face it, teeth) before tim gets home. point is, you can still get dressed for the day even if you don't ever leave home and when i do leave home, i'm going to be rocking it hardcore. watch yourself 2009, i'm a MILF in progress.

15 days in and so far i've stuck to my guns for the most part, hoping that'll continue. xoxo. kat

merry christmas!

2008-12-24T12:54:00.002-06:00

i know it's totally unPC to say merry chirstmas. i should be wishing everyone a season's greeting or happy holidays, but in my household we celebrate christmas. i'm not saying we celebrate christmas in the whole religious / baby jesus / manger / etc, but we do celebrate the good old fashion consumerism christmas that includes a santa invented by coca-cola.

whatevs - it's christmas and my daughter looks freaking adorable, so i had to share!

ho. ho. ho. and a merry festivus to you all. xoxo. kat.

dreams can be weird.

2008-12-16T10:46:00.002-06:00

last night i had 2 very vivid dreams.

1. i was at stevie wonder's house and i was so excited to give him a gift of a painting. it was by an artist he supposedly loved. weird, right, because it's not like he could see it anyway. anywho....when i gave it to him he totally freaked out and told me that the painting couldn't be by the same artist because of the weight of the canvas. then i told him what gallery i had purchased it at and he went to his wife to ask her what the deal was. turns out she had been making copies of the paintings by the loved artist and hanging them in their household, therefore the different canvas weights. she said she was doing so because she knew how much he loved the description of the paintings and since he'd never know that they were copies, she was saving money.

umm...weird and wtf is that supposed to translate to in my real world?

2. there was a panel idea submitted to SXSW IA that is all about the forces of good & evil in comic books and why comic books have to keep the balance between the good guys and the bad guys. so last night or should i say early this morning i had a dream where it was a full on battle between good and evil super heroes, but they weren't like batman vs. mr. freeze or anything, it was like a mix of hellboy characters meets the fantastic 4 meets x-men on both sides. it was so strange and my super power was being able to lift crazy heavy things and to clap and have everything move out of my way, the harder the clap the more destruction. not sure what was really happening in the dream, but i do know i was trying to save my daughter from the bad guys who had specifically targeted her.

so, i can kind of understand this one, but it was still strange.

"nobody cares about, what you dreamt about, unless you dreamt about me." xoxo. kat.

32G - part 2

2008-12-15T14:55:00.002-06:00

today, like most days, i was reading wwtdd and i came across this article about some chick who opens lingerie stores in the UK and is a size 32G. if you will recall sometime in spring i wrote a post here about how thanks to the miracle that is pregnancy, i myself had become a 32G. needless to say this article totally freaked me out because i can not believe that my boobs were that big a mere 4 months ago. thank goodness they went back to normal, well minus a size which is fine because holding up those double d's was getting hard.

can't believe bush had not 1, but 2 shoes thrown at his head yesterday. ha! xo. kat.

ice cube

2008-12-15T00:02:00.005-06:00

do you ever wish you could go back in time and tell your younger self something / anything? today was one of those days. today i wish i could tell my 16 year old self, rolling in my mom's lexus jamming to the predator album, that one day, one day, i would see ice cube play in a venue that holds max 500 people. in a venue that my husband is playing in on february 21st. in a venue where i would be able to stand 15 feet away from him. holy shit. tonight was just amazing. it was a bummer that tim was too sick to join me, as he really wanted to go, but court was a fantastic date and we had a freaking amazing time. i mean not only did he blow me away, but he also sang 2 NWA songs and it was like he was singing them just for courtney. tonight was fantastic and hilarious all in one.

currently lost in a world of wow. xoxo. kat.

holy crap. thank you.

2008-12-05T10:50:00.003-06:00

i had no idea this was out there. i so needed this and am so thankful for this. just after watching 2 videos i realized i'm normal! ha! thank all that is holy above. it's women i admire, in some cases work with and just in general fellow moms!

www.momversation.com

yes, i'm sure my last 2 posts could fall under the category of the manic side of depression, but the truth is i'm finally figuring things out and it feels really good.

hopefully that will continue! xo. kat.

much better

2008-12-05T10:18:00.002-06:00

yesterday my new part-time nanny started and i have to say i finally feel ready to get back to life, pre-evan, yet including evan. does that even make sense? point is i was able to do house work yesterday morning, followed by work, followed by meetings at work, followed by a solo trip to the grocery store, followed by more work, followed by dinner making and cleaning up, followed by more work, followed by some QT with both tim and evan.

the best part is i feel up for that same amount again today because i know my nanny will be back on monday! i also feel prepared to enjoy my weekend instead of being stressed out about monday.

now if i could just figure out how to be totally sick w/ a baby, life would be on it's way to pretty darn good. xo. kat.

not sure how to handle...

2008-12-01T13:45:00.004-06:00

it's official, i'm totally losing my mind. postpartum anxiety / depression has taken hold and i can't seem to make it go away. i'm being a terrible wife, worker, business owner, home owner, etc, but at least evan seems very happy and well adjusted. so i guess even though everything else in my life currently resides in the shitter, the only thing that truly matters is thriving and doing well, if not great.

so how do i figure this out? how do i wrap my brain around the fact that i am in desperate need of help. not the help that my lovely one a day klonopin gives me...yep, back on that fun little yellow pill after being successfully off of it for years, but help both mentally and physically. i need to not be trapped in my house all day long, but i chose / asked to work from home for 2 reasons, 1) it's the best thing for evan. 2) who can afford childcare these days and in most cases its craptastic. now i'm left wanting to pull out my hair and scream because apart from running errands i am trapped in a very tiny house all day working at one end of my dinning room table while trying to be the best mom i can be.

point is everything besides evan is suffering and that includes me. i'm at my wits end and i'm failing in my marriage, my job, running the household, my friendships and last but not least the salon. i just can't do it all anymore and there literally is nothing i can give up. i just need help. someone trustworthy that can watch evan for a couple of days a week or a couple of hours on a couple of days a week, so that i can go to work meetings, i can be out of the house on my own, so i can enjoy being a mom, a wife, a homeowner, a business owner and not fail at a job i love more then you could ever imagine.

fuck. this shit is so much harder then i thought and i don't mean evan, i mean choosing between evan and everything else. i'm just a freaking basketcase right now and the amount of guilt that is currently residing on my shoulders because i can't do it all is so overwhelming that i just want to curl up into the fetal position and sleep until someone else figures this out for me.

the reality is women all over the world can handle this and so much more, why can't i? why can't i wrap my head around all of this and come up with a viable solution? why can't i talk to tim about this without wanting to rip his throat out? why is it that every time i think about this and how horrible it all is i turn to the tv as though some miracle answer will spew out of general hospital or 2 back to back hours of charmed? i literally hate myself right now, this second, and the one thing that is keeping me even somewhat sane is that the only thing i am successful in right now is the care of my daughter who means the world to me.

on a quick spiral to failure. kat.

i've been blogged!

2008-11-25T13:48:00.004-06:00

ok, so i'm not the most innovative person on the planet, but my friend jennifer just did a post on her blog about creative ways to store your jewelry and i was mentioned! i'm not going to claim that i'm creative, but i do have a lot of jewelry and she used one of my 3 ways of storing my jewels in her story!

apart from the fact that i've been blogged...the fun sidenote is that the jewelry box in the photo was found under my christmas tree in 2001 and when i opened it, out popped a ring and a question that i responded to by saying "are you shitting me", followed by a "yes"!

check out the story! xoxo. kat.

i totally stole this...

2008-11-20T11:52:00.003-06:00

wow. my favorite t-shirt and my favorite cousin...shh...don't tell michael! xoxo. kat.

lost it....

2008-11-19T15:24:00.003-06:00

i have zero motivation this week. i mean i was amped and ready to go last week / weekend and yet this week i just don't have it in me. i'm exhausted both mentally and physically. i pretty much want to just lie around on my couch and watch bad tv while taking cat naps with evan. not sure what's up. maybe i'm finally settling into that time change funk that everyone else is now getting out of. hmm.....whatever it is i need to snap out of it because i have a ton of work to do / my house is dirty / our fridge is almost bare / bills need to be paid at home and the salon / deals need to be made / stylist need to be found / lordy, i could go on and on.

bah. meh. ugh. blah. xo. kat.

dream invaders

2008-11-19T04:33:00.005-06:00

i grew up with this core group of guy friends in california. by that i mean they were a core group and i, like many others stood on the outside of something that could never be penetrated. of this core group there were 4 that i consistently went to school with from 4th grade until 12th grade. let's call them thing 1 and thing 2, the hermit and the knight. of these 4 i have only seen them once or twice in 15 years and yet for some reason they always invade my dreams. absolutely NOT in that way, but in a way where they are part of the scenery or in some cases they act as security in my dreams. one of those dreams was tonight which is why i feel compelled to write about it now.

the funny thing is, i very rarely remember the dream, i just remember them being in it and in the dream they always fall into the roles i have assigned them based on how i knew them in the past. thing 1 and thing 2 always show up together as if they are almost the same entity, but they always guard me and make sure i'm ok without ever seeming to step in. almost like a security blanket effect. the hermit always seems to be looming in the shadows. not in a creepy, scary way, but in a i'm here it's going to be ok way. we never interact, but there is something comforting about him standing in the backdrop and again i always feel safe. then we come to the knight and he is the only one who plays active roles in my dreams. i often wonder if it's because he was the one who always took the time to be nice to me and respectful of me and my feelings as we grew up. either way when he is in my dreams, he always fulfills the role of saviour. as in he rescues me from things that go bump in the night and scary thoughts / images that have haunted me a majority of my life.

it's funny that in most cases i can't remember the dream / nightmare, but i always know who has stared in them with me. yet it's weird that these 4 seem to take up a lot of space in my sleeping mind even if i don't interact with them at all and barely did in 9 years of actively knowing them. i wonder if it's their bond that i find so comforting and not them as individuals. that their strength as a group vs. separately, gives me the courage i need to escape the nightmares that have plagued me since i was a little girl.

i know thing 1 and the hermit are doing well. i assume thing 2 is doing fine as well. it's just the knight that i'm always left wondering about. as a group they all went through something very difficult, that i can really relate to (aka - jay & scott), but as the story goes, the knight was actually there and i've wondered / worried about him since that day when i received a late night phone call from a dear friend in new zealand. at my 10 year reunion i wanted to talk to the knight and see if he was ok, but of course that was neither the time nor place and truth be told i could barely muster up the courage to even say hello.

i guess my point is, i am thankful these 4 haunt my dreams in a positive reassuring way and i hope that they individually are all doing well and that the core still stands strong.

totally over-sharing at 5am and hoping to go back to sleep. xo. kat.

JJ / JAW / BEERS

2008-11-15T13:58:00.003-06:00

today is my cousins birthday. she is exactly 6 weeks older than i am, therefore i have known her my entire life. i've always felt as though she was more like an older sister vs. just a cousin. she has always been the mature and more knowledgeable one of the two of us and in my own way i've always looked up to her. she is an exceptional mother, which i have seen first hand and having known how she helped raise her brothers, i mean it was just a give in that she would be a natural. she is an exceptional friend, proof lies in the fact that she is still best friends with the same girls she met her freshman year of high school. she also excels at being a wife, sister, daughter and most important to me....she is an amazing cousin.

point is, happy birthday jamie. i love you very much and i hope your day is full of love! xoxo. kat.

CLARITY

2008-11-14T11:18:00.004-06:00

apparently i've lost my mind and am in need of some clarity. otherwise there is no way i would have purchased 2 tickets to go and see jimmy eat world in los angeles in march. i don't know if you realize, but march is umm...the busiest time of my entire year. as in i don't sleep / eat / breath for that entire month. my entire year at work is to prepare for 10 days that happen every march and yet, for some reason i felt compelled to buy concert tickets for something on march 5th, 1500 miles away. obviously i'm crazy and obviously i don't care. i've found a plane ticket that allows me to only miss 1 day of work to go to this concert, but it also means i leave LA at like 5am. aka - i leave the concert venue and head to the airport. i'm totally ok with this. i mean jimmy eat world is playing only 10 dates to mark the 10 year anniversary of the clarity album and they are only playing the 13 songs off that album...ummm..once in a lifetime and amazing, i'm doing it, no regrets!

possibly going to see madonna in houston on sunday & geeking out about that as well! xoxo. kat.

quirky

2008-11-12T14:58:00.002-06:00

is it so wrong that i'm pretty sure "desperado" by the eagles is one of my all time favorite songs. i almost can't listen to it without belting it at the top of my lungs and in most cases tearing up. the lyrics are so sad and yet touching...maybe it's my cold dead heart trying to find some peace and that's why i love it so much.

it's a pretty day outside, but not so pretty inside my head. xoxo. kat.

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses
You've been out ridin' fences,
for so long - now.
Ohh you're a hard one.
I know that you've got your reasons.
These things that are pleasin'you
Can hurt you somehow.

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds boy
She'll beat you if she's able.
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet.
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table.
But you only want the ones
That you can't get.

Desperado,
Ohhhh you aint getting no younger.
Your pain and your hunger,
They're driving you home.
And freedom, ohh freedom.
Well that's just some people talking.
Your prison is walking through this world all alone.

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine.
It's hard to tell the night time from the day.
And you're losing all your highs and lows
aint it funny how the feeling goes
away...

Desperado,
Why don't you come to your senses?
come down from your fences, open the gate.
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you.
You better let somebody love you.
(let sombody love you)
You better let somebody love you...ohhh..hooo
before it's too..oooo.. late.

wurstfest 08'

2008-11-11T15:00:00.002-06:00

every year i look forward to attending the wurstfest in new braunsfels. if you've never heard of wurstfest, it's the ten day salute to sausage! and no..not that kind of sausage! anywho....basically it's a day where tim, myself, our friend mark and whomever else wants to join us, get ridiculously wasted and stuff our fat faces with anything and everything you can think of to eat off a stick! we traditionally start with a toast of pork chop on a stick and a nice octoberfest beer. this year was much the same, except it was evan's first wurstfest and my first one as the designated driver. all in all, it was just as exceptional as usual and i can't wait until next year when we plan to include all of our parents and i won't have to be the DD! ha!

dealing with a way early teething baby and loving it, yet exhausted! xoxo. kat.

sometimes things are best said by other people

2008-11-06T14:21:00.003-06:00

i've been trying to think of a way to express my feelings about barack obama winning the presidential election this past tuesday. everything that comes to mind, didn't translate on paper. then today i was finally taking a second to catch up on some of my favorite blogs and i came across this on dooce.com. below you will find a copy / paste blurb from her post titled "newsletter: month fifty-seven". i hope that i am not crossing any copyright laws by posting this, but man she was able to exactly express the way i am feeling. i mean down to watching this all happen with tim by my side, evan in her swing next to us, while turtle and biskit slept on the couch with us. it's just amazing how she was able to capture everything. point is, please read what heather armstrong wrote and know it's exactly how i feel.

yes. we. can. xoxo. kat

as seen on dooce.com:

Finally, I wanted to talk to you about what happened last night, how your father and I and millions of other people across the country helped elect the first African American president. Leta, you are so lucky to have been born in an era where this is possible, in a time where generations have come together to stop the sick cycle of bigotry that has been passed down from fathers to sons, mothers to daughters, where we have finally stood up and said, enough, we are more civilized than all of that. I have never been more proud to be an American than I am today, and when you are old enough to understand the significance of this election, when years from now you ask me where I was when I found out that Barack Obama had won, I'll tell you that while there were millions of people dancing in the streets and gathered at parties, thousands more across the world chanting in impromptu parades, I was sitting on the couch next to your father, our fingers intertwined, the two of us alone with the dogs asleep at our feet. The television was an eruption of noise and chaos, but we sat there quietly absorbing the moment, worried that if we blinked we'd wake up out of a dream.

There have been moments today when I haven't believed it, have worried that I imagined everything. Having grown up in the South I didn't ever think this could happen, not when I and so many of my peers had so much indoctrination to overcome, years of being intentionally and sometimes unintentionally taught by seemingly well-meaning superiors that the color of your skin makes you different. And yet, while this election is a firm rejection of that kind of thinking, it's also about how this man brought so many people together and inspired us by his example to focus not on bickering or hurt feelings or the vast divide of our differences, but on rolling up our sleeves and looking for a way to bridge that chasm. And Leta, I finally feel like we may have the momentum to change and fix so much of what has gone wrong — from economics to the environment, to health care and humanitarian disasters — that instead of leaving your generation with a burden almost impossible to climb, there is hope that we may in fact leave you with a world that is better than the one you were born into. I know I am not alone when I say that my vote in this election was as much for his vision as it was for you and your future.

vote. voting. voted.

2008-10-20T10:57:00.002-05:00

if you can, you should vote early. if you can't do it early, vote on november 4th. if needed, vote using an absentee ballot.

even if you don't agree with my political views, please vote and be heard. xoxo. kat.

milestones / events

2008-10-14T22:10:00.001-05:00

(1 week ago today)

well to say the last 6+ weeks have been a whirlwind is a total understatement. each morning is almost like waking up to a new baby girl. a baby girl that i am so completely in love with i can't even put it into words. she has changed my life in ways i could never have imagined. because i know that i will never remember this stuff, nor do i think i'll find the time to keep up with the journal that i started the day i got back from the hospital, so here is a list of some of the random milestones / events that have happened so far in evan's life.

8.29.08 - welcomed into this world.
8.31.08 - home from the hospital.
9.1.08 - first doctors appointment. lost 8oz.
9.9.08 - second doctors appointment. gained 1.2 pounds and grew 1/2 inch.
9.12.08 - mommy came down w/ a severe pain in my side, lost 2 days due to darveset (sp)
9.14.08 - first visitors. aunt terri and aunt megan.
9.19.08 - first play date w/ elodie!
9.20.08 - first trip to the grocery store and first party - political fundraiser for say "yes to prop 2".
9.21.08 - uncle ryan, aunt regan, cousin riley over for first at home visit.
9.22.08 - aunt robin in town from CA. first restaurant adventure (magnolia cafe for b.fast).
9.23.08 - first trip to the mall w/ mommy and aunt robin. surprise. surprise ; )
9.25.08 - second play date w/ elodie's cousins - lily and tristan / also filed evan's nails for the first time.
9.28.08 - first birthday party for cousin riley. mommy and daddy went on first date night to see the foo fighters during ACL. aunt terri babysat.
9.29.08 - after a huge growth spurt (now over 10 pounds) mommy had to pack up all of evan's newborn clothing and diapers. officially in 0-3 months, which are almost not long enough for her!
10.1.08 - it's official, evan loves shopping / running errands with mommy.
10.4.08 - met peepaw (tim's dad) and his fiance (mimi) for the first time / slept 6 hours in a row / first giggle (probably just gas!).
10.5.08 - second birthday party for cousin jayce.
10.9.08 - first trip to daddy's office / mommy cut evan's nails for the first time.
10.10.08 - mommy unpacked pre-pregnancy clothes and was given the all clear by the lady doc!
10.12.08 - helped mommy and daddy celebrate their 6th wedding anniversary by sleeping soundly at the dinner table while they went on a date.
10.13.08 - mommy off maternity leave / evan decided not to sleep very much / mommy exhausted.
10.14.08 - went to work with mommy for 3 hours.

yeah...ok, this isn't going to turn into a mommy blog. however being a mommy is number one for me right now so of course i'm going to talk about evan and share pictures, but there is a lot i have pent up that i want to write about and that i've been meaning to write about. point is i'm hoping to get back on track in the whole writing department soon!

feeling like my back is broken and staring at a 'to do' list a mile long. xoxo. kat.

E.E.L

2008-10-12T11:18:00.003-05:00

welcome to the world my princess.

evan elizabeth lasater
8.29.08
6:03am
6 pounds 15 ounces
20.5 inches

i love you my baby girl. xo. evansmama

ps: happy 6th wedding anniversary my love.

twitter me this...

2008-08-20T08:45:00.002-05:00

so i've been totally slacking here at biskitsmama. it's not for lack of love it's because i have total baby brain and i'm not really capable of writing more then a sentence or two at the moment. so i've become a twitterholic. i guess what i'm trying to say is for mini updates, go here: www.twitter.com/txrocks75.

ready to do this, but nervous as all get out and yet still hoping i'll be able to catch the gossip girl season premiere on 9/1. xo. kat.

my horoscope 8.15.08

2008-08-15T08:47:00.001-05:00

It is important for you to tone things down a bit today, dear Capricorn. Relax and let someone else cook dinner for you tonight. If all you want to do then is hang out and be lazy, then by all means, you have every right. Let other people make their own choices, and don't try to manipulate them into making everything happen your way. Things will fall into place naturally if you are willing to give up a bit of control.

if you know me, you'll know why i find this so completely amusing! xoxo. kat.

i could use a good laugh

2008-08-06T09:25:00.002-05:00

i just purchased tickets to see pineapple express tonight because i could use a really good laugh. i'm fairly miserable right now physically and just about everything that i could possibly consider going wrong w/ the impending arrival of evan is constantly crossing my mind, so tonight i am taking a break! i plan to eat good food while watching a funny flick w/ one love kicking the crap out of my ribcage and my other love sitting, laughing beside me.

honestly, i can't wait for all of this pregnancy stuff to be over. don't get me wrong this pain / mental anguish will be so worth it that i almost can't stand it! i just need to make it thru this last bit. this AM my doctor told me A) i've gained 32 pounds now and B) to pack my bags because i've started dropping so it could be any day now. this was followed by, "but don't be upset is she's late". umm...weird, but whatevs.

reading the last 40 pages of 'breaking dawn' before my work day begins. xo. kat.

there will be blood.

2008-07-30T07:55:00.003-05:00

i finally saw "there will be blood" last night and i have to say as a whole i am not impressed. that being said i can totally understand why daniel day lewis was given the oscar for best actor, but really...isn't he pretty much one of the best actors out there. i mean you don't get much better then him, so did he deserve it for the material he was given or just because he is amazing? either way, i was completely disappointed with this movie. maybe if i had read or if i read oil! by upton sinclair i'll understand it / like it more, but for now i'm kind of left w/ a bad taste in my mouth.

can anyone explain to me who exactly "paul sunday" is? was he actually a twin brother of "eli sunday" or was he a multiple personality type of eli? i'm just so confused! between that and the freaking music that accompanied this film, i am totally over it.

i will however give it some props, visually this movie was incredible and as i mentioned above the acting was superb.

still confused and not in the mood to get my work day started! xo. kat.

home office

2008-07-15T14:21:00.001-05:00

yesterday, very unceremoniously, i must say...it was decided that i would go ahead and start my adventure of working from home and just coming in for meetings. don't get me wrong, i had this date scheduled for august 18th and when given the chance to do it earlier i jumped on it. however i thought this would go down on wednesday vs. monday night, so i wasn't mentally prepared for it and i took it with a bit of hormonal upset feelers.

right now i'm about 3/4s done with my work day and i feel great! i am sitting in my soon to be nursery w/ the natural light shining in, the fan on and my babies asleep at my feet. i've managed to get a ton of work done while doing triage for the salon and 2 loads of laundry and 2 loads of dishes. the best part is after an incredibly stressful morning, i am feeling in pretty good spirits and think that moving to my home office was the best thing ever.

then again i am raving right now about how great things are, but come pretty soon, i won't really have a home office space anymore unless i a) keep it in evan's room or b) move it into our already over crowded bedroom. not sure how to handle all of that, but i have at least until august 11 to figure it out as the rest of her furniture will be here by then.

getting back to work and mentally preparing for my last day of child birth classes! xoxo. kat.

big day

2008-07-11T12:38:00.002-05:00

today is a sorta big day in my household. first, 9 years ago today i moved to austin in hopes of making all of my dreams come true in life / love and happiness. i'd say i made a good move! second, 1 year ago today i became an official / all year long / member of the staff. a job i had coveted since 2003. third, 1 year ago today, to our best guesstimate, miss. turtle piglette was born. aka time to hit up HEB for some frosty paws, so we can celebrate after her and biskit hit the lake w/ their dad.

i'd say today was a pretty good day even if i am feeling a bit too pregnant for myself these days ; ) xoxo. kat.

turkey thermometer

2008-07-03T13:46:00.000-05:00

i think my belly button is about to pop out. seriously. it's stretched to max capacity and any second now it's going to pop just like a turkey thermometer on christmas. this is one of things that i was hoping wouldn't happen, much like realizing that i now waddle around. that being said, it's all worth it and she should be here next month. woot. woot.

btw..i just spent a solid 10 mins laughing at a post on hermitology about farting in the shower. what in the hell is wrong with me?!

happy 4th holiday. be safe. don't drink and drive. etc. xoxo. kat.

way off...

2008-06-19T15:08:00.001-05:00

ummm...yeah...so i don't really understand this whole mess of "how far along are you?". i typically answer in weeks because that i do understand. aka today i am 29 weeks and 5 days along. how that translates into months is a whole different story. see with weeks you wait until the week is finished to count it. aka on saturday i will be 30 weeks along. also known as the final countdown of 10 weeks left!! scary and exciting all in one. anywho... apparently when you count in months you start the month at the beginning vs. the end. so every time someone has looked at me all cockeyed wondering what is this "weeks" thing i'm talking about when responding to their question, i have been saying a full month behind. last night i finally was corrected by my 'what to expect when you're expecting' book and guess what, i'm at 7.5 months and just yesterday i answered 6.5 months when someone asked.

guess you learn something new every day! oh..and for those of you out there who are not pregnant nor have ever been pregnant, it's ok for a pregnant women to say they are HUGE, it is however not ok for you to declare them HUGE on your own. just sayin.....xoxo. kat.

it's early

2008-06-14T05:33:00.005-05:00

it's 5:30 in the morning and i'm awake. technically i've been up since 2:30am, but didn't actually get out of bed until 4am. the only reason i'm awake is because i have to pee almost every hour now at night and sometimes when i get up for that all of 2 minutes to pee, i start thinking. thinking is what gets me into trouble. this morning as i was laying there after peeing and taking the dogs to pee all i could think of was my HUGE to do list that i need to start tackling. this list consists of things to do around the house, for the salon, bills that needed to be paid, cards that needed to be sent, balancing my checkbook, making a list of errands to run before i have to actually work up at the salon later today, etc.

anywho...i've been working non-stop and thinking it's possible that my mind is clear enough that i can now go back to bed, but our guest bed is currently covered w/ all of the contents of our guest room closet, as well as a lot of stuff from our closet so there is no where for me to rest as i don't want to wake tim up by going into our room. not to mention now i have a GIANT list of errands to accomplish all before i report for receptionist duties at the salon - aka 10:30am.

what kind of mess did i get myself into?!? good news is, bills are paid, lists are made, books are balanced, cards are written and tim is well on his way to accomplishing all of the stuff on his list for this weekend - aka - building an extra shelf in our closet, putting together a new closet organizer for the guest room / soon to be nursery and i bought paint last weekend for both bathrooms (almost 2 years later!) and i hope we get that project started as well.

guess i'm off to surf the net or possibly crawl back into bed for 2 hours. xo. kat.

making life happen

2008-06-02T15:22:00.001-05:00

since i wrote my last post i've been having a mini pity party. in all actuality this pity party started a while ago, a long while ago and truth is i need to just get over and move on. this morning i was thinking about my family and friends who all sit around and wait for life to happen vs. doing something about it and to be honest was / am somewhat disgusted with that thought. then after writing that last post, i realized that is exactly what i am doing when it comes to my social life. if i want something to happen, i need to make it happen vs just waiting for something to fall into my lap.

so it's started. i'm having lunch with a friend tomorrow and i might even try to set up a happy hour with the girls later this week or early next. i'm going to RSVP to a backyard bbq that i was hesitant to before for fear of not being able to enjoy myself with all of these emotions running thru me and i'm going to make another date with my sister in laws where i can get their advice on how they might have handled all of this motherhood vs solo identity stuff.

moving forward with making life happen. xo. kat.

lonely here with me

2008-06-02T13:27:00.001-05:00

i can only assume that the way i'm feeling right now is because my life is in the process of changing so drastically, but i have never felt so alone in my whole life. i'm not referring to tim or my family, it really boils down to my friends. i know they are all a phone call away and i love them all dearly, but those that i have always felt closest to i feel super far apart from right now. almost like if we didn't have a past, we wouldn't have a future and in some cases i've already just let the relationship go vs fighting for it.

i guess i'm just in that last trimester holding pattern where i know in the next 3 months my life is going to be totally different and as much as i was hoping it would stay the same, just pregnancy has proven that it won't. i knew things would change on some levels, i just didn't realize that i would seemingly cease to exist for some or that it would be all baby all the time for others.

i mean, i'm still here. i still want to have a good time. just because your pregnant doesn't mean that you aren't available for dinner / drinks (of course mine would be a shirley temple) / house parties / shows / etc. it's one thing to not be able to go, it's another to never even be asked.

i really hope it's just hormones that are making me feel this way or the anticipation of evan arriving, it's just i feel a little lost. it's almost like when i got married, i felt like i lost my identity and became "tim's wife". it took awhile and some great talks with tim and my friends to realize that wasn't the case, but now i'm feeling that way again, who am i? will i now just be "evan's mom" and never kathryn again? on some levels there is nothing wrong with that, but i prefer to be a more well rounded person, one who maintains a life of her own while trying to be a great mother / wife / daughter / friend / etc.

again, it's probably just a hormonal thing, but damn it's a lonely place to be. xo. kat.

leaving on a jet plane

2008-05-23T15:47:00.002-05:00

i'm about to head to the airport for the second time this week. this time my adventure will take me from portland OR to danville CA. i have to say i'm glad to be leaving portland. i have a feeling this place is magnificent when the weather isn't so dreary. so far it's been freezing and drizzling the whole time i've been here, which leaves me feeling uber depressed. i haven't seen the sun since tuesday evening and i have to admit i miss it and possibly even the 100 degree weather i left behind in austin. my trip has been pretty lame so far, but i am so looking forward to the next part. so far i've pretty much been in my hotel, the jupiter and eaten every meal at the doug fir, which is a pretty decent diner! i've made a few attempts to go shopping, but apparently everything within walking distance of my hotel doesn't open until noon, so even w/ skipping the first sessions at the conference this AM i still wasn't able to do anything except get rained on and possibly even ruin a pair of shoes. now i'm sitting at the convention center wondering if i should just head to the airport early since it is memorial day weekend and i was hoping to pick up something small for tim and my cousins girls before i see them tonight. unfortunately i kept thinking how great the shopping was at PDX only to realize that the airport i was thinking of was actually in seattle, so not sure if i'll be able to find anything which totally bums me out. i should have looked for something in austin for the girls, but i was just so busy and now i have nothing for them and no souvenirs for timmy. pooper.

anywho...now that i've vented about my boredom in portland, i will say again i'm looking forward to the next couple of days and then i'll be home which of course i can't wait for and neither can evan. i think she misses her daddy's nightly belly rubs and having the dogs sleeping on her ; )

saw indiana jones yesterday while in portland, i thought it was amazing and would totally see it again! xoxo. kat.

may in a very large nutshell

2008-05-19T15:17:00.002-05:00

may 1st - official 9 year anniversary with tim. yes, it's our dating anniversary, but that still counts ; )

may 2nd - went to dinner with friends and had some of them over after for a campfire in the backyard.

may 3rd - megan's birthday camping trip. tim and i only made it a day trip, but it was a ton of fun in the sun w/ great friends.

may 7th - salon meeting, need to find a new CPA / receptionist and chair renter before the end of may. needless to say up most of the night thinking about this.

may 8th - woke up to the worst charlie horse of my entire life! this includes me jumping out of bed, screaming and crying, freaking out tim and the dogs. thankfully tim's magic massaging fingers took care of the pain, but the cramp didn't fully go away for 4 flipping days!

may 9th - mom drove up from houston and then we headed to the fort worth area to visit granny for mother's day. aka one of the worst ideas i've ever had.

may 10th - was told by granny that i was fat, no less than 5 times! did however continue to enjoy time with mom. also, i did purchase my very first gift for evan. it's a little sun dress from baby gap that is chocolate brown with bright giraffes all over it and little bloomers to match!

may 11th - my first official mother's day. again, loved spending time with my mother, but called tim crying about how much granny's episodes were killing me. mom seems to think its because for the first time ever i have someone else to think about and i think she's right. normally i can handle granny, but the thought of evan having to deal with her BS makes me physically ill.

may 12th - FINALLY away from granny! unfortunately had to say goodbye to mom, but was greeted at home by a 2 of the sweetest mother's day cards ever from tim about being a mommy to be and then one from turtle and biskit that was appropriately torn up with smeared doggy writing and paw prints. aka - adorable! did i mention timmy also had a "first teddy bear" waiting for evan when i got home. it was pretty sweet and i in turn immediately started tearing up. man i picked a good one.

may 13th - went to bed somewhat early, woke up around 11:45pm with a weird cramp in my right hip - it's still there every time i lay down. i peed (surprise / surprise) and then couldn't fall back asleep. around 1am a shrill beeping started. tim jumped up to investigate and it turns out it was coming from our fire alarms. apparently the 4 of them are all hardwired together, so if one goes off it signals the rest and they all started beeping randomly. at this point we think they are CO sensors as well, so we decide to get the dogs and head out to sit in the car while awaiting the fire dept to come tell us what is going on....oh...and yes we aren't idiots we checked the batteries! the fire dept comes and informs us that are alarms aren't CO detectors and they can't find any cause for the beeping. they change out batteries, wait 15 mins and leave. 20 seconds later the beeping starts and continues every 30 seconds until about 11am the next morning, when tim figures out what is going on. apparently the alarms needed to be taken apart / cleaned and reset. as an added bonus tim realized the reason the beeping had increased so dramatically after the firemen left is they put the batteries in upside down. awesome.

may 14th - exhausted because i'd had less than 5 hours of sleep a night since the 7th, i decide to go to sleep early again. right before nodding off, the tv states that we are in a tornado watch until 9:45. in 32 years, i've only had to deal with 1 tornado, it caused a tree to crash thru my day care when i was 4. after that i haven't paid much attention to tornado warnings, if it happens it happens. anywho....wake up at 11:45 to pee and then can't fall back asleep - again. about 20 minutes later the house sounds like we are trapped in metal box while the top and sides are being pummeled by an aluminum bat. turns out it's baseballish size hail. this is followed by a green sky and dead silence. at that point we grab all the pillows off the bed, the dogs, a flashlight and head for the downstairs bathroom. where the 5 of us sit in wait for the tornado to hit us. about 10 / 15 minutes later tim checks everything outside and we turn on the news. apparently the hail storm took out a lot of downtown and the east side, which is us and it's finally over. at that point we decide to go to bed.

may 15th - wake up to realize that both of our cars are damaged and that our entire yard & street looks like a war zone. everything was covered with tree limbs / leaves / torn up shrubs / etc. it was nuts. spent a lot of time on the phone dealing with our insurance for both the house and our cars. since we can't get up on our roof we had to file a claim so they will come inspect it and let us know if the hail did any damage. our car deductibles alone come out to a $1000, not sure about the house...uggh.....

may 16th - i actually went out at night downtown to see bands play. first time since sxsw and possibly one of my last times until evan arrives. tim and i saw camp x.ray at emo's and then the aka's at red 7. i really had a great time! i mean it was louder than i remember and people were giving me weird looks, but i loved seeing my friends out and having a reason to get dressed up. honestly, i really needed friday night!

may 17th - woke up early feeling somewhat refreshed. got to work on house stuff and then got ready for our road trip. where did we go, umm...houston for the radiohead concert. it was amazing! sitting in a parking hell for an hour, not so bueno, but the show was so worth it! we were literally gone for 12 hours and that included driving to and from houston / visiting my dad and seeing radiohead. it was a perfect / quick trip and i must say tim was a real trooper to stay up with me while i drove home. we sang songs most of the way home and evan loved it. she was a kicking machine. especially while we were singing desperado by the eagles. she is definitely my daughter and my mom's granddaughter!

may 18th - went to look at a house in west westlake hills. aka the none snotty side of a great school district. it's a completely different vibe out there and to be honest i liked it a lot more than i thought i would. not to mention private lake access less than a mile away from our door and a private pool that sits alongside the lake. hmm...what to do. also, we FINALLY registered for all things baby. i mean we have to start one at target for bath / onezie type stuff as i like their selection better, but as of now we hit up babies r us (aka the devils playground), pottery barn kids. next up i need to buy her bedding at babystyle and the blanket that started the whole theme at modernseed.com. her theme if you've made it this far is chocolate brown / sherbert green / white and forest nature.

may 19th - getting my productive on!

may 21st - i head on a jet plane to portland for my first time ever. going to a bikehugger event and the webvisions conference. should be good times. i'm staying at a totally rock and roll hotel and i am making it my goal to find the donut store that sells maple donuts with fresh bacon on top!

may 23rd - leaving on a jet plane and heading to danville CA to visit my family. i haven't seen this side of my family since 2000 and i'm super excited! i finally get to meet my cousin jamie's 2 daugthers and she is having the whole family over for a bbq, including my youngest cousin up from san diego! i think it's going to be a really great visit, even if it's a short one.

may 25th - once again leaving on a jet plane, but this time i'm headed home!!

may 26th - memorial day - i want to do nothing but sit in a body of water relaxing this entire day!

the rest of this month needs to be spent on catching up with old emails that i keep putting off for no reason other than who has the time or energy. i'm failing miserably at keeping up with correspondence, but damn i'm exhausted!!!

thinking this is really long and i need to write more often..and that shiloh joile-pitt is the most beautiful child that i've ever seen. xoxo. kat.

wiggle worm

2008-05-08T10:39:00.000-05:00

last thursday i was sitting in a meeting at work with my hand resting on my belly. i felt evan kick and i saw my hand actually move up as though it had been kicked. from that moment on she has become a giant wiggle worm and now both tim and our friend lindsay have physically felt her kick. it's so weird how quickly it went from a fluttering feeling to a she's doing taekwondo in my belly feeling. it's also crazy that it's almost on a schedule at this point.

seriously i had no idea how insane all of this would be. i also had no idea how much i'd be so completely in love with her even before she gets here. this whole experience, even the bad parts has been just amazing and i see why people are so quick to want another one. then again...i haven't been thru the last 3 months of hugeness while in summer texas heat, nor delivery, so we'll see how i feel when this is all said and done ; )

officially had to move the scale to the 150 mark today and i almost started crying in the doctors office because of it. xoxo. kat.

pregnancy diet 4.22.08

2008-04-23T11:14:00.001-05:00

1 - chocolate boost
1- package of brown sugar oatmeal
1/4 - individual package of lay's potato chips
1 - ham & cheese sandwich on wheat
1 - ziploc bag of baked cheetos
1 - chocolate / vanilla pudding cup
1 - peanut butter cookie
1 - special k cereal bar
1- can of spaghettio's w/ franks and cheese sprinkled on top
1 - orange
15 - chips w/ salsa

the worst part is i woke up at least 5 times STARVING!

today i've already had 1 chocolate boost & 2 glazed donuts....i'm going to be HUGE! xoxo. kat.

evan enjoys the pop

2008-04-22T16:01:00.001-05:00

in case i've yet to mention it, our little bundle of girly goodness is named evan elizabeth and yes, we are well aware that evan is a boys name. anywho....today i was listening to music while working on an extremely boring project and i decide to experiment with placing my headphones on my belly to see how evan liked music. rumor is it's good for them and normally i would have started w/ some classical music, but well evan's dad is a singer so i decided to start with him.

i'm now on song 4 of a 5 song ep by pop.unknown called summer season kills. aka - the ep that sealed the love deal when it came to her daddy. apparently it's in our blood because she is freaking out right now! i have never felt her be this active and it's a pretty amazing feeling. i pray i'm not doing anything wrong by playing it on my belly, i have the volume relatively low and the speakers placed way on each side of my belly.

so...this is a pretty crazy experience and it's pretty exciting. i hope our little girl loves music as much as we do and if the way she's moving around right now is any kind of an indicator i have a feeling she's going to be a 1000% daddy's little girl!

almost catching my pregnancy groove. xoxo. kat.

another reason why i love my friends.

2008-04-14T13:21:00.003-05:00

last night was the rock of love season 2 finale and jennifer & chris hosted a viewing party that included playing dress up.

i don't know if i've ever mentioned my absolute love for the poison album "look what the cat dragged in", but well...it definitely ranks in my top 10 albums of all time and when i saw them in 1991 it made me "cry tough" and i'm not ashamed to admit it!

so obviously i'm going to be addicted to rock of love, i mean even without the poison link, it stands on it's own as total trashy goodness and last night did not disappoint!!

below are some pictures of my ever growing baby bump and exactly why i love / adore my friends.

team ambre from the get go & anxiously awaiting the reunion special next sunday! xoxo. kat.

turtle piglette

2008-04-11T10:18:00.002-05:00

about 2 hours ago i dropped off my little baby girl, turtle, to get spayed and now i'm a nervous wreck knowing she's in surgery. i can't even call to check on her until after 1pm and that alone is driving me crazy! i can't stand not having any control over this situation and i can only imagine what it will be like once our daughter is born if i feel this crazed over my puppy. then again i am one of those people that consider my dogs to be my children - my doggers if you will ; )

anywho...because i am missing my baby so much i decided to do a little photo spread of her! i know i promised one last september and never got around to it, but today is the day for all of those of you who have been curious!

turtle on day one - 10 weeks old - already daddy's little girl.

turtle and her first toy.

turtle and her first solo trip up the stairs.

our big girl this past january.

turtle piglette and her big sister biskit bear.

wishing you a fantastic weekend and my parents a happy silver anniversary!! xoxo. kat.

letter to my family & friends

2008-04-09T14:15:00.000-05:00

hello there.

hope everyone is doing well!

as most of you know, tim and i had our 20 week exam this morning and it turns out that we are having a healthy baby girl!

i think we are both in a mild state of shock at how real this has all become and i honestly can't even begin to express to you the amount of emotion that is currently running thru my system. i go from smiling like a crazy person to sobbing my eyes out because i'm so excited.

i hope to be able to attach a video or pictures sometime later, but she was not in the mood to be photographed this morning and only gave us one good profile shot, so once i get that scanned and figure out how to send the video i'll pass it along.

again, we are super excited and feel very blessed.

xoxo. kat.

why isn't it tomorrow around 11am?

2008-04-08T15:35:00.001-05:00

tomorrow morning i have a pregnancy check up at 8:30. this is followed by the big ultrasound tomorrow at 10:30am. i don't think i can accurately express how i am feeling right now. i'm so full of nervous energy that i am on the verge of having a serious crying fit. it's almost like tears are the only thing that might release the emotions i have built up inside. i know you're probably thinking what's the big deal you're half way done with your pregnancy..blah..blah...i'm over it already, but the bid deal is tomorrow we find out the sex of the baby. tomorrow we give this baby a name. tomorrow this baby becomes a person, not just a thing or it living inside of me. tomorrow i have a son or a daughter. holy shit i'm tearing up at my desk and i really don't want to cry because i'm sunburned as all get out and it will sting.

so..yeah...anywho...tomorrow we find out the sex of the baby. tomorrow i officially become a mother to this thing growing inside of me. tomorrow you know i will buy something that is gender specific for this baby even thou our theme for the nursery is nature / green & non gender specific. tomorrow doesn't seem to be coming soon enough.

going to see ray ramano and brad garret tonight - it was free - don't judge! xoxo. kat.

2008 SXSW wrap up

2008-03-19T15:50:00.003-05:00

it's done.

it's over.

i can almost breathe.

holy shit - time to start 2009.

now that i have that off my chest, i will do my yearly SXSW wrap up.

interactive:

- i think i personally greeted at least a 1000 people onsite at the austin convention center between our interactive panelists and the film panelists. my throat feels like i've been sucking on sand paper, but i find great satisfaction in knowing that i could give a personal touch - even if for only a minute or two.

- i finally joined facebook. i figured w/ zuckerberg being our keynote, i should see what all the buzz was about. i like it, but i prefer myspace.

- speaking of zuckerberg, i had to stop watching / reading all things sarah lacy. if you attended the event or have seen any of the coverage you'll know why. it's not worth me rehashing here....but i could...oh..how i could.

- meeting frank warren of postsecret was like meeting a rockstar and the best part, there was nothing at all diva about him. he was such a nice man, a truly inspirational speaker and i bawled my eyes out during the 15 minutes i was actually able to see of him speak.

- speaking of seeing panels - i saw exactly 30 minutes of panel programming this year. i wish it could have been more, but it was almost impossible for me to leave registration as we had so many panelists this year, which says a lot for how our event is growing!

- catching up with lane, courtney and molly always warms my heart.

- i got to spend about 15 minutes with glenn otis brown and carlos brown's mother and i realized that i hope i am even a 10th as wonderful as she is when i get older. she was absolutely fascinating and she emanated this life energy about her that was inspiring. not to mention she was truly glamours in every sense of the word.

- i finally was able to rock my burt reynolds jacket painted with love by hot.pink.pistol. talk about a show stopper!

film:

- year 7 of working or volunteering with the event and i still have not seen a single movie. it's not because i don't want to, it's because i never have the time. this year i am truly bummed that i didn't get to see the harold & kumar 2 premiere. i know the movie will be out soon, but i'll never have a chance again to see doogie howser give the opening presentation.

- saturday morning of film, i was told to go up to the filmmakers check in. there i was greeted by the beauty of josh brolin standing in line. jarod introduced us and the 3 of us starting talking babies. josh guessed accurately that i was 4 months pregnant. he then went on to tell me all about the wonder of parenthood. followed by his love of my "true romance" tattoo that tim and i both have. in fact, he said that he wanted to tell diane about it - yes DIANE freakin' LANE - aka cherry valance from the outsiders movie, amongst other films. i then went on to declare my 20+ year crush on him from when he stared in goonies as 'brand' the older brother of mikey. his response - maybe i should get your tattoo as well. my respond - yes, maybe you should. all of this is followed by charlie telling josh that he wanted to take a picture of us, so i move around the check-in kiosk and josh brolin rubs my baby belly. are you kidding me!! talk about a highlight to my day. my first film crush, rubbing my stomach and being taken by my tattoo....it was just awesome. in fact, awesome is an understatement. 'llewelyn moss', you rocked my world and your wife is even more stunning in person!

music:

- the welcome return of joerg, antje and ulla. our dear german friends who have come the last 3 years and whom i adore.

- the surprising and very welcome return of dean. i haven't seen him since march 2002 and for as much as it felt like forever since we last saw / talked with each other, the ease in which it took us to reconnect, only reaffirmed my feelings for him and our long lasting friendship.

- i know it was non-official, but the crash gallery show on wednesday night blew me the fuck away. ryan and the rest of the band were so on their game that people were stopping on the streets to check them out / videotape them / photograph them. i mean they probably played one of their best shows ever and it was seriously SXSW loss that the showcase wasn't part of our regularly scheduled programming.

- another highlight for wednesday night was seeing the lemonheads play emo's annex, for probably about 200 people. their set consisted of playing the entire "it's a shame about ray" album from front to back and it was by far the best show i've seen in a very long time. i know, it's so not cool to like the lemonheads or to revisit our grunge days, but i seriously don't care. the first time they toured with this album i was one of the eager, desperately waiting on baited breath for evan dando and company to change my whole world and what did they do, evan was wasted, played horribly and ended the show after only a few songs. this time however, my disappointment from 15 years ago was completely washed away because evan and co. were spot on and it was like revisiting my senior year minus the awkwardness and i truly enjoyed that hour and like i said nothing can compare to that show at least, nothing since about 2004.

- as for day parties, i only attended one and i only went because i missed tim so much it hurt me. white denim was playing, i don't get the hype, but whatevs. the other plus to this one day party is that my sister love sarah spencer rhat made a 10 minute appearance!

well, that's it. it was a great year, but the pregnancy kept me unable to hang most nights and most days. the good news is, i made it, i actually have some highlights, i still love my job, in fact maybe more than ever and i got to reconnect with old friends.

all in all it was a great event and i'm ready for 2009!

the baby is doing fine and we find out the sex on april 9th at 10:30am! xoxo. kat.

big test

2008-02-19T14:55:00.001-06:00

tomorrow i have my first trimester screen. from my understanding this is a test where they measure something having to do with the baby's neck and spinal cord. at this point i believe they can tell if everything is growing as it should be. aka - no extreme cases of spinabiffida (sp) or anything else that may be occurring. i'm a little nervous as 2 of my friends have come out of this test having to terminate their pregnancy because of extreme abnormalities. that being said, if this does happen, it was meant to. we are only given what we can handle and i really believe that. for as much as i bitch and complain, i know i am blessed and am living an easy life for the most part. i've had very few tragedies in my lifetime and i hope to continue down that path, but what will be, will be.

on a lighter note....it is also quite possible that along with coming out of that appointment feeling refreshed and reassured, i might also come out knowing the sex of the baby! apparently if it's a boy and the baby is turned the right way, it should be pretty obvious! i know technically you aren't supposed to be able to tell until the 14th week, but ali swears she saw asher's manhood at 10 weeks......so....we'll see!

super excited, yet somewhat nervous. xoxo. kat.

32G

2008-02-15T17:24:00.002-06:00

welcome to my new bra size. and my response is: "are you freaking kidding me, i'm only 3 months pregnant!"

for those of you that didn't know, 32G is the equivalent of 32DDDD - yes, bras do come that big.

this is really hard for me to handle, i'm stoked to be having these issues, but i feel like i'm going to topple over. i mean i'm 6 foot and barely weigh 138 pounds at 3 months pregnant. if my boobs continue at this rate, i'm not going to be able to stand up. i'll be like dolly parton and need to cancel my tour because my back is killing me from holding those darn things up all the time.

lordy, between this happening to me today and yesterday me officially transitioning into maternity wear, i'm feeling awesome about my body image ; )

again, i couldn't be more excited to be experiencing all of these changes but man everything changes every day and it's a crazy roller coster of emotions!

hoping people are realizing i'm pregnant and not thinking i got a boob job! ha! xoxo. kat.

mini breakdown

2008-02-11T16:50:00.001-06:00

since listening to the heartbeat on thursday, i've tried really. really hard to not have any breakdowns or meltdowns of any kind. even when i got home thursday night to a letter from my insurance saying that as of february 1st, my OBGYN is no longer in the network. even thou i received yet another email from my sister telling me to please talk to her - which i did send a somewhat harsh, yet loving email in response. even thou my grandmother told me i must be getting too fat w/ this pregnancy as she didn't show until she was 7.5 months along and since i'm showing now - i've only gained 1 pound - my weight is just shifting to new parts of my body. even thou turtle was supposed to be fixed on friday, yet started her period on wednesday. even thou my house is in need of a serious cleaning and i had a migraine all weekend and did nothing that wasn't required of me. and even thou on friday night when i got back from a nice dinner with timmy, megan and ricky, i had spotted all over my underwear. to the point of being fearful that something horribly wrong had happened.

did i freak out at these times? not so much. i may have teared up a bit or attempted to sleep thru them or even pretended these things weren't happening to me because i was in such high spirits. BUT then yesterday afternoon happened. i was getting ready for a birthday party and attempted to put on a shirt that i had picked at the clothes swap as it was a bit bigger then and i knew i was feeling a bit bigger. i put it on and it made my chest look like 2 pigs fighting under a blanket (yes, that is a steel magnolias reference!). so, i continued to try on tops only to realize that NOTHING fits!! until this weekend, for the most part it's been that my pants have been too tight, so i've done the hair band trick to hold them on. well now, nothing fits. so yesterday i put on my first piece of maternity clothing. a lovely shirt that robin sent me from babystyle. well...apparently i'm in the 'not a girl, not quite a woman' stage of my pregnancy. as in, maternity clothes are a bit too big and my clothes are a bit too small. so....that left me wearing sweats and a t.shirt to work today. which equals awesome.

then at lunch i went home to get prepared for a party that we are throwing tonight and tried on a dress shirt that has always been huge on me only to realize that my boobs looked ridiculous in it now and that because of their size, the shirt now shows of my stomach, which means that jean / hair band trick is exposed, which means there was no way in hell i could wear it. i ended up having to pull a shirt out of the dry cleaning pile. a shirt that i bought in december in a size large, that will probably only fit for another week or two.

today is a day i need my mommy. i need to cry to her about how i don't fit into my clothes. i need her to tell me it's going to be ok. i need her to help me thru this. but what happened, my phone for some reason hasn't held a charge in 3 days, so i couldn't talk to her. i therefore started crying to megan when i walked into the office this morning and sent tim a 'poor me' email - which his response totally helped!! i know it's silly to be upset about and i'm thrilled to be pregnant and going thru this. i just wish i was at the fully showing stage vs. the hey i dress awkward and can't fit into my clothes stage!

going blind trying to prep for the launch on thursday. xoxo. kat.

.

we have heartbeat!

2008-02-07T11:32:00.000-06:00

i can't even begin to express how i am feeling right now. the emotion that is inside of me wants to explode out in happiness!

the koala is officially out of the bag! xoxo. kat.

please call

2008-02-04T11:45:00.000-06:00

the last 3 days i've had a beige / pinkish discharge on and off followed by light cramping, a lot of movement in my abdominal area and serious bloating. since this started friday evening i've had to wait until this morning to call my doctor. well i called them and hour ago and told them what was going on and they started asking me a series of questions, followed by and "oh...well we'll need to discuss this with the doctor and give you a call back". nothing more, nothing less. now i'm left in a state of mild panic and i have no one to talk to as i'm sitting up here at work waiting not so patiently by the phone. i've even called them back to let them know i was going into a meeting and in dire need of hearing back from them due to my anxiety level. the response i was given, "well the doctor won't be able to look at your chart until sometime around lunch". wow, awesome, can't freakin' wait.

i am a nervous wreck beyond all capabilities of calming myself down. i want to crawl into bed and cry myself to sleep while i wait for this phone call. that is all. kat.

happy thoughts

2008-01-30T11:49:00.001-06:00

today is a good day.

i don't feel horribly sick, i'm in a decent mood, i'm being productive and i've had 2 pieces of cinnamon toast w/ butter and 2 donuts to eat.

i am also listening to the beastie boys, licensed to ill album and remembering exactly why this album will forever be in my top 5 albums of my lifetime. no matter what, it without fail puts me in a good mood or amplifies an already existing good mood.

positive everything is still going well. cause i have to be right?! xoxo. kat.

liar. liar.

2008-01-29T10:41:00.001-06:00

at my 7 week appointment, my doctor told me that i had reached the peak of my symptoms and that thru the remainder of my 1st trimester it would never be any worse than it was right then. well....she lied. seriously, i am a giant nauseas mess. there has not been a day that has gone by in almost 2 weeks that i have not thrown up. i don't mean hangover puking, i mean the act of throwing up with nothing to show for it. which is probably a good thing because the one time something actually came up, it started a non-stop chain reaction for about an hour. aka - horrible.

so....i'm glad that i have symptoms cause that means things are probably moving forward correctly, but damn my doctor needs to work on what she tell her patients, because i've never felt this horrible in my whole life and at week 7 i was just bloated, tired and hopeful. now i'm a puking machine with a need for new panties & bras already.

loving it, despite my misery. xoxo. kat.

leave me alone.

2008-01-28T11:12:00.001-06:00

i love being pregnant. i hate the symptoms, side effects, but i know it will all be worth it in the end. that being said, i am 1000% unable to handle my emotions right now. EVERYTHING sets me off, either by making me cry or more commonly making me see red with anger. in fact seeing red with anger tends to be the best way to describe me the last week plus. this morning apparently is going to be no different, even thou i made a pact with myself to be calmer, cooler, more put together. things were fine this morning and most of yesterday afternoon and definitely yesterday evening. then it happened, i checked my myspace account for the first time in 3 days and i see a message in my inbox. the subject read "hey, it's your sister kim". why i opened it, i don't know. my stomach is in knots, by heart is racing and i'm furious right now. if you've been reading my blog over the years or are just friends with me, you know how volatile this situation is. you know that i've had to make a conscious effort to ignore kim in the past and made a decision regarding our relationship 5 years ago. that being that i could no longer handle the emotional ups and downs that she causes me, by never being consistent or around when i actually need her and that includes our grandmother dying, my wedding, our brother being shipped overseas to fight this bullshit war (4xs), our niece being born, our stepmother battling hepatitis C brought on by a blood transfusion when she had our baby brother 20+ years ago and the list goes on and on and on and on.

thankfully i'm currently feeling a little bit better by just writing my frustrations down. now i need to decide do i want to try yet again to build a relationship with her. i mean we are related by blood and just because she has given a rat's ass about me for the last almost 20 years, should i begrudge my child knowing her aunt, who may be a good person, just because she has been so horribly shitty to me. uggh...i just don't know. i don't have time to even call back my sister-in-laws whom i love dearly, how can i include someone else in my life who has proven time and time again to just not care unless it's on their time, never mine.

i just don't know. any suggestions?

well i'm off to either throw up again or hopefully go number 2 for the first time in almost 2 weeks. i know..TMI...but seriously, it hurts and i need some relief! xoxo. kat.

2 down...a ton more to go

2008-01-17T12:46:00.000-06:00

on monday the 7th, we had our first doctors appointment!

tim was a champ and spent all 2+ hours with me while we waited and waited and finally got to see the doctor, ask a zillion questions and then they took a zillion what felt like gallons of blood from me. which was followed by me almost passing out and them force feeding me a juicebox. at that point everything seemed a-ok. not that they could tell much since it was to early for an ultrasound or really anything. basically she told me, "if i hadn't have known you were pregnant when i walked in here, i would have assumed you were after the physical exam.". umm...ok....thanks ; )

then on that friday tim and i flew to chicago, where we shared a life experience with barack obama!!! he happened to be home for one day off of the campaign trail and tim and i practically ran into him at the shedd aquarium. he was literally 2 feet from us w/ his daughters. i kind of freaked out, but only on the inside...unless you count me elbowing tim in the ribcage and saying in a loud whisper, "it's fucking barack obama!!". ha! it was awesome. anywho....he and his daughters watched the dolphin show with us and about a couple of hundred other people, but we had our moment on the bridge and i'll never forget it ; ) now if i had only been wearing my "obama is my homeboy" t.shirt....then life would have been perfect!

umm...ok, back to the '2 down' part. well in chicago i was pretty bad off. super tired. crazy motion sickness because of the plane / train / the uber fast pedestrians. it was so bad i had to buy these black elastic wristbands, called seabands to help. they are working about 80% of the time, which is awesome, but not quite enough. anywho....when we got home on tuesday from our winter wonderland / barack obama / windy city adventure, i started having a massive migraine and then my boobs stopped hurting and my stomach stopped feeling so bloated. then yesterday i started throwing up in the morning. not actually vomit, but the act of throwing up and a lot of spittle....TMI....i know...but it's my blog and i'll vomit if i want to! well this feeling lead to me being positive that i had lost the baby. i felt empty. i mean 1000% empty. it was horrible. so i called my doctor and asked if it was possible to lose the baby without knowing, without any physical signs. her response was a somber yes. i then spent the entire day either fitfully sleeping, crying or watching horribly bad tv trying to forget about it while waiting patiently for my ultrasound appointment that i had booked last week.

this morning, tim met me at the doctors for our 9:30 appointment. he asked me how i was feeling and i immediately started tearing up. by the time we were in the room, i was sobbing. the doctor came in and i couldn't even tell her what was wrong, tim had to. she then said, lets take a look, put some jelly on my stomach and started doing the ultrasound. then she said, "there is the gestational sack......and there is the heartbeat"!!!! i couldn't believe it. i started crying even harder and finally looked at the monitor while tim kissed me and squeezed my hand. we now have pictures! we now have a heartbeat! we now have confirmation that our due date is august 30th! we also have a bit of piece of mind as once you see the heartbeat, your chances drop down to 5% for miscarriages. there are still almost 32 weeks to go and anything can happen, but i am a lot more positive today than yesterday!

thinking my boobs are going to be ginormous after this is all said and done. xoxo. kat

no wonder

2008-01-04T13:54:00.001-06:00

last night i read an article about how the average person working in the waiting industry walks about 5 to 6 miles a day. i guess that explains why after i moved to austin and stopped waiting tables, i started to slowly gain weight and noticed a serious lack of stamina.

hmm.....maybe i should start walking around the block a couple few times a night to tighten up and to regain my stamina.

feeling super motion sick and ready to cry or hit things at any second. xoxo. kat.

elton john

2008-01-03T15:12:00.001-06:00

apparently the baby likes elton john.

driving in my car today in a horribly bad mood, "rocket man" came on and i started singing. i swear my whole stomach started this hot tingling feeling, like i was being wrapped in a warm blanket of love.

all i can say is wow. just wow.

not afraid to admit that my former gilmore girl obsession has turned into a gossip girl obsession! xoxo. kat.

goodbye 2007

2007-12-31T17:36:00.000-06:00

well...here it is the end of another year.

this year has been horrible and fantastic for a million reasons, but i must say i'm going out with a bang.

friday night my loving husband threw me the most fantastic birthday ever, complete w/ family, great friends, tommy doing a strip tease, crash gallery and the cutaway doing a reunion show that included, 2 of my favorite pop.unknown songs - aka - the most amazing night ever. after a night of wonderful chaos i was sitting down eating a snack with robin and i realized, holy hell, i'm not on day 29, i'm on day 35.....

saturday morning i woke up at 7am after going to bed at 3:30am and realized i had to take a test. so i snuck out of the house and got myself some starbucks (decaf of course!) and then hit up CVS. about 20 minutes later i had barely peed on the stick when the 2nd line appeared. i was so shocked, i asked tim to come look at it. he thought the line seemed faint, but i told him there would be no 2nd line without a pregnancy. he then hugged me and started crying. i was still in a state of blissful shock and immediately called my mom, followed by my dad, followed by ali, i texted jenny and woke up robin and ed ; ) needless to say, i was excited. by the end of the day i had taken another positive test and everyone who needed to know, knew.

now it's my 32nd birthday and i'm still in a state of blissful shock. i'm feeling exceptionally nervous about the next 7 weeks, but find it amusing that when it hits the 3 month mark and i can finally start telling anyone / everyone SXSW will be starting up, so that will be fun to see all of our panelists and attendees whom i only see once a year and getting to tell them, along with everyone else.

speaking of telling everyone, i know i have some near and dear friends that read this and all i can say is please keep the good news on the down low. the next 7 weeks are going to be a mental mind fuck until i the first trimester is over, considering i've had at least 10 friends not have much luck with their first pregnancies, so we are going to take this one day at a time and hope / pray for the best. so keep us in your thoughts and prayers, if you do that kind of thing.

so...on that note, happy birthday to me and tim and i are glowing with excitement and welcoming 2008 as this is going to be a great year, i can feel it! xoxo. kat.

new beginnings

2007-12-10T16:33:00.001-06:00

yesterday i came to a realization that i suck at communicating unless it's to bitch or complain. so, today i've decided to do something about it. i don't know if i'll be any good at it and i'm sure i'll make an asshole out of myself along the way, but i'm making a go of it and i can only hope for the best.

that being said, i'm sure it'll be a shock to a lot of people's systems whether it be that i become nice or truly say how i feel, but i hope that this behavior change will be for the best. i also hope it will help me better my relationships and keep my anger in check. that being the hardest part. i tend to get angry vs. digesting the cause and tend to act out of anger vs. want for resolution.

i now want for resolution in all aspects of my life. whether it be good or bad, hard or easy, i just want to not have tension built up or resentments for those i love.

wish me luck on this journey. my posts may turn to rants during this process, but i don't want to "vent" to people anymore. i want to resolve things vs. harbor them and i may end of needing this space to help resolve things in my heart before i can truly resolve the problem / issue / concern.

whew this is a scary time, but i'm looking forward to it. xo. kat.

unusually optimistic

2007-11-28T11:34:00.001-06:00

wow. i can't even begin to explain how good i feel right now. i don't know if it's because of i am almost completely over the plague that overtook my body for at least 2 solid weeks or it could be that i love this time of year, hell i really just don't know. BUT i feel great inside - today. will i feel that way tomorrow or the next, who knows but today i feel like i can take on the world.

i'm praying that i'm not being naive in life right now, but i've made some rather large life changes over the last month or so regarding personal relationships, learning to let go of hostility, getting rid of unnecessary material things in my life, working on changing my financial squanderings, letting go of my control issues, etc. that being said, i am far from perfecting these things and tim bears the brunt of the backlash, but i am working on that as well. my point is, i feel good. the last 2 months have been really, unbelievably, difficult and today is the first day in a very long time that i see the bright light at the end of the tunnel.

so...things are good at present. i see a bright future ahead. i am proud of my accomplishments. i am learning to work thru my short comings. i am letting go of emotional and material baggage. i am moving forward with my lover / best friend, cherishing my family & friends and letting go of things that just don't fit in my life anymore for one reason or another.

next up, continue life in an upward motion, work on expanding our family, keep enjoying my day job and learn to love the salon again.

moving on up...to the eastside....oh...wait..i'm already there! xoxo. kat.

eight

2007-11-19T16:27:00.001-06:00

would equal the total number of reduced fat cinnamon rolls that i ate between 10:30 saturday morning and 8:30 sunday evening. my theory is why should i not stuff my fat face while i'm on day 6 & 7 of a nasty sinus infection where no food had tasted good until that point.

getting back into the groove and moving forward with a wink and a smile. xo. kat.

matchbox twenty

2007-10-17T04:02:00.001-05:00

i've been awake for about an hour and half and i decided, why bother and got out of bed.

while i was laying awake for that hour +, i kept hearing the lyrics to a matchbox twenty song. wanna hear it? here's how it goes.....

"it's 3am you must be lonely...must be lonely....."

yes, rob thomas you are right, it's 3am and i am lonely and bored and wishing to be asleep.

one day i'll tell you my real matchbox twenty story! ha! oh...and dean i hope you had a great 31st b.day yesterday! xoxo. kat.

going home again

2007-10-05T11:24:00.000-05:00

for the first time since 2004 i am going home to visit my beloved california. i will be attending a tech conference in LA at the end of this month and i can't even begin to express to you how happy this makes me. the only thing that could make it better is if tim was going with me.

looking forward to time spent with jenny and robin while on the west coast. xoxo. kat.

a few of my favorite things

2007-10-03T11:27:00.000-05:00

with the introduction of turtle into our household our schedules have been a bit off. in other words, turtle has to poop / pee about every 2 hours, or so it seems. this includes needing to go outside at least once a night, but normally twice. this makes our sleeping schedule completely off. so....last night i was wide awake from about 2:30 until sometime after 5. it was awesome, but while i was laying there, i started thinking about all of the things that used to make me so happy as a child and i decided i'd share them because it's been a while since i've thought of some of these and i'd like to have them on record for bad days, like yesterday.

* the way my GG always had such soft / wrinkled skin that felt like it had been coated in scented powder. when she hugged you, you would melt into her and it was a wonderful / safe place to be.
* the naps i would take on the way home from south coast plaza or fashion island after a lovely afternoon of shopping and having lunch with my mom.
* the way it felt to see my dad's face when i would get off a plane to visit him from california.
* water fights in the house with my mom and jack.
* the yellow house my mama & grandy lived in on dorsett lane (i think that is the spelling).
* the gold room in that house that was vacuumed a certain way so that mama could tell if we were stealing the candy in the corner that was for guests.
* the way jamie and i would climb all of the furniture to get to said candy without messing up the carpet.
* playing with my moms barbies and all their beautiful clothing and amazing accessories.
* hell, playing with barbies period. i would spend half of my day turning the entire living room or my bedroom into barbie dreamland, only to actually play with the dolls for an hour or two.
* spending rainy weekends watching elvis / little rascals / 3 stooges / disney movie marathons on KTLA channel 5 after watching my morning popeye cartoons.
* reading every one of those damn sweet valley twins / sweet valley high / babysitter club books.
* saturday mornings getting up at the crack of dawn and laying in my old playroom / mom's office that had 2 twin beds that partially slid under a corner table that held my small black & white tv that allowed mini me to lay fully stretched out with my arms propped up and watch things like the smurfs, the snorkles, punkey brewster, etc while drinking my beloved chocolate or strawberry milk.
* the christmas morning i opened the package that held my first cabbage patch kid, jonas whitney, he still smells as delicious as he did that day.
* going to the cabbage patch kid nursery with my grandparents and cousins.
* going to visit my cousins and playing in their huge & amazing basement playroom.
* coming home to my dads for the first time after scott was born.
* my hamsters, all of them.
* my dad teaching me how to fish using an ice tea glass sitting on the kitchen table.
* my mom showing me how to properly match shoes and handbags.
* playing school with anyone and everyone.
* truly believing that when i grew up i was either going to be the president or a waitress at billy bob's and being ok with both of those options.
* pretending to be sick, so that i could stay home alone all day and play dress up in my mom's clothes / shoes / make up / accessories / etc.
* watching my mom get ready in the mornings.
* going to work with granny at her law office while dressed up in my little suits and patent leather mary janes.
* going into grandy's workshed that always smelled like his mix of captain black tobacco and where everything had it's place and we couldn't touch - only look.
* bebe, josie, chelsea, willie, foxy, patches 1 & 2.
* that first christmas in our apartment where santa came and i had everything you could think of to play kitchen with.
* my mom's tuna casserole.
* playing ring around the rosie in my kitchen with my mom, aunt laurie and jamie.
* the pink panther gumball machine at kathy & erica's
* movie afternoons at my dads with kathy / dad / scott / buckets of popcorn.
* playing in the atrium (at either house) while listening to the eagles.
* dancing on christmas eve with my little feet on jacks shoes.
* the pink bubble gum cold medicine / grape dimeatap / flinstone vitamins
* erica's hot pink and purple checkered vans hat that she occasionally let me wear.
* watching grease with erica and singing and dancing along.
* the first time i watched a horror movie with erica.
* the freedom of learning to ride a bike.
* the park & the "hill" in our little part of turtle rock.
* playing basketball at my dad's house.
* playing on the swing-set at my dad's house.
* the hot tub i used as a pool during summers at my dad's house.
* hardly ever using a door at my mom's house, only the windows.
* sunbathing in the backyard at my mom's with every magazine on the planet and my handheld tv.
* julie andrews movies.
* watching a movie a night it seems with a home cooked meal and my mom and jack.

seriously i could go on and on and on. please know these aren't in any particular order. as one came to me another one would spring up and so forth.

i'm feeling a lot better today than yesterday and this list helps, but so did the margarita tim got me last night. xoxo. kat.

another sad day in october

2007-10-02T11:34:00.001-05:00

last october i went thru being certain i was pregnant to finding out i was just late and it broke my heart. since then i have tried really hard to not get too caught up in all of the emotions involved with trying to get pregnant. i've tried to not think about it too hard, which you wouldn't be able to tell cause it's always in my thoughts / rolling off my tongue / etc, but imagine if i didn't try to keep it in check - i would be so out of control it would be insane.

there has been one other time that i thought i might be pregnant and i just kind of waited it out, bought tampons & a pregnancy test in one sitting, took a test by myself, cried a bit when it came out negative and then had a nice glass of wine. this was last month and i started my period about 2 hours after taking the test. it was awesome.

this leads us to the past 32 days. wow, did you see that, 32 freaking days, again. in case you don't catch the significance of 32 days, that was the title of my post last october when my heart was broken over this same exact thing. anywho....to catch you up on the last 32 days, it goes something like this:

- started the whole ovulation process.
- had sex every other day during that 10 day window. (every day lowers sperm count = less chance)
- about 7 days later i had light brown / pink discharge for about 2 days.
- hoped that was implantation spotting.
- started feeling nauseous, bloated, tender boobs, sensitive to smells, unable to drink alcohol (even at a wedding w/ an open bar), the list goes on and on and this has all been happening every day for the last 2 weeks.
- read online that sometimes symptoms start early if you are having twins - got crazy excited / nervous.
- drove my mother / tim / jamie / robin / ali / etc crazy by talking about it non-stop.
- went to the doctor last week for my yearly and the test said no, but i was only on day 26 of my cycle - so still holding on to hope.
- went to my nieces 1st birthday party on sunday was SURROUNDED by kids / babies and actually enjoyed myself. which if you know me, is a first since i stopped actively baby-sitting in 1993.
- went home and took a test by myself, cried a bit as it came out negative, but i was on day 30 and still no period, so still holding out a bit of hope.
- had a horrid day at work yesterday and noticed spotting.
- day 32 and who is officially on their period?
- crying / bitching / anti social just about sums me up today.

the worst part is that even thou i am not pregnant, i am still having ALL of those symptoms i was discussing earlier. at this point i'm wondering what the hell is wrong with me. i can't get pregnant and now i question do i have hook worms like our new puppy, or a small intestinal infection like biskit or what the fuck is going on. oh..yeah...we got a new puppy 1.5 weeks ago - her name is turtle - i'll post about her later in the week - just know she is adorable. tim says that she is our "baby" for this cycle and i like the idea of that, but i wonder why i can't have both?!

saw a new born at the salon this morning, a pregnant lady at starbucks and heard "rock the cradle of love" all on my way to work. the end. kat.

ps; i am taking my cousins advice (we are 6 weeks apart and she is blessed w/ two gorgeous / healthy / happy girls) and buying some kind of elephant thing to place on my nightstand today during lunch.

open letter to my family

2007-09-28T12:14:00.000-05:00

dear family.

i love you all so much it hurts me. whether you are near or far, i've seen you recently or it's been years, we've had a disagreement or never fought or if we talk everyday or haven't talked in awhile.

that being said, please realize this is my personal blog. otherwise known as my online diary. one day in the near future tim and i will be starting a family blog that will be a way to let our entire family know what is going on in our lives. that blog will be family friendly, sweet, sometimes sad i'm sure, caring, loving and probably more along the lines of what you are looking for.

this blog is mine. it's a place for me to rant / rave / be happy / be sad / be funny / sometimes creative / but it's mine and i will not censor myself here and if i write something that offends, i love you, but i don't want to hear about it because once again this is my space to be 110% me.

alright. good times. if you're new to biskitsmama, i've had it for awhile now and i've gone thru every emotion possible on this thing, so have fun reading or you can wait for the "family friendly blog" that will be coming soon.

the real deal and i love you. xoxo. kat.

down in the dumps

2007-09-27T12:16:00.000-05:00

i'm sorry i haven't written, even thou i promised i would. it's just been a hard few weeks and it looks like that was the calm before the massive shit storm. so much is going on right now and i'm exhausted and nervous, but change is supposed to be good right?

back to blogging soon. i swear. xoxo. kat.

they're back

2007-08-20T12:02:00.000-05:00

uggh...it began again today.

you would think that after 9 years of dealing with it, i'd be able to handle it, but no...no....it still sucks.

this morning i was in desperate need of something hot and yummy as my allergies are currently beating me to a bloody pulp. my brain feels likes it's going to explode out of my ears, which makes me want to curl into the fetal position and cry. which basically describes my sunday. fetal position, in and out of tears all day, watching 10 hours of tv and spending another 2+ hours reading. it was a nightmare and wonderful all in one.

anywho...back to what happened. i drive up to the starbucks by my office, well totally out of the way, but the closest one. i get out of the car and it hits me....they're back!!! by "they" i mean the college kids have started the mass return to UT & St. Eds. my starbucks which is right in the mist of one of "their" main living areas, which had been peaceful on friday, was now jam packed full of students using the free WiFi from next door, while sipping on their venti whathaveyou.

you may think, why is this blog worthy and here is why:

for 3 months out of the year, austin texas is the most amazing city on the planet. there is relatively light traffic, HH at trudy's / vivo / anywhere is not a problem, you can actually get into the alamo on day 1 of a new movie, you can venture down to 6th street without fear of wanting to beat up a fraternity or sorority douchebag, etc.....

anywho...i'm done bitching. i just needed to get that initial 'holly hell', why do i stay here when i have to put up with their shit - out of my system. now that i have purged that negative energy, i remember all the reasons i love this city, why i can't imagine leaving and am glad i made the move to austin vs. back home to california.

feeling like a fat pig after they put whole milk in my mocha. xo. kat.

1 hour per weekday

2007-08-15T10:59:00.000-05:00

monday thru friday from 8am to 9am is my time. it's the one hour a day where i do whatever i want while watching dawson's creek reruns. i know. i know. what in the holy hell is a 31 almost 32 year old women doing spending her mornings watching a show about high school / college aged kids. the truth is i love / loved that show. i also have a mad crush on pacey whitter - aka - the lloyd dobbler of the late 90's early 00's. some of you out there might not catch this reference or see the similarities, but they are there and i have to say those 2 characters are my biggest tv / movie crushes of all time. poop. i'm off track. surprise. surprise.

anywho.....back to my 1 hour a day. this hour is special to me because it is the only hour of the day that i don't have to answer to anyone. i'm not on call at the salon, as they all know it's my hour. tim has left for work and biskit is still sleeping. it's my hour where i can choose to lay in bed, curl or flat iron my hair, pay bills, paint my nails, cuddle with biskit, check the web, straighten our bedroom, whathaveyou. the really spectacular thing is that since i've allotted this time for myself a couple of months ago, i have had only 2 times where this time has been interrupted, by something other than myself needing to run errands or sleeping thru the hour.

another special thing about this hour is that there is a character on dawson's creek named grams. grams is one of my favorite characters on the show. in fact in most cases i like her more than jen, her granddaughter and the person i am most similar to on the show. maybe that's why it's easy for me to look past jen since i've already lived that life. in regards to grams, i think i'm so captivated by her because she reminds me so much of my dad's mother. my mama (said the french way, not the backwoods way). they physically resemble each other, as well as having a similar sense of oneself. their main difference would be that my mama would never have been caught dead in anything that grams wears, as mama's fashion sense was very reminiscent of katharine hepburn. she was prone to wearing pants and shirts tied at the waste. her nails were always painted and looked beautiful. her hair was always done and one of favorite memories of her is sitting in my bedroom hearing her get ready for the day while watching GMA or the today show. i'm not sure which one, but i always remember laying in bed comforted by that feeling of hearing her just being there. i miss that feeling, but sometimes when i'm watching those shows when my day starts extra early it's almost like i can sense her there with me.

the day is calling and i've got to find my motivation cause my allergies are telling me to go back to bed. xo. kat.

new content & taking a break

2007-08-07T14:34:00.001-05:00

right now, as i have been for a while, i am completely crazy busy. things at the salon are going well. in fact we just celebrated our 1 year anniversary, which is insane. it feels like just yesterday we were staring at an open space, wondering what the hell we had gotten ourselves into. now i still feel that way, but the space is forever crowded ; )

on top of that i've been dealing with a huge deadline at work and taking a work trip to chicago. i have to say that chicago is now my new favorite city in the states. i know i always rant & rave about new york, but chicago blew me away. it was clean, beautiful, the people were nice, CTA was easy to maneuver and the food was amazing, but more on that in another post.

anywho...while i was there i realized how important my little blog is to me and how if i think about it all the time, i should write in it all the time. so....i'm making a commitment to myself to write some sort of post, no matter how big / small it is, a week. i hope i can keep this commitment to myself as i've failed so many times in the past in regards to exercise and dieting, but this...this is something i enjoy and want to make habit.

looking forward to a post a week and court's boat party on sunday. xo. kat.

sprint follow up

2007-06-12T17:07:00.001-05:00

i just called the sprint store and my phone is dead.

if i so choose i can pay $55 and wait 3 to 5 business days for a new phone, which means i probably won't have a phone at all until some time next week, including over the father's day holiday. i questioned why i would have to pay $55 for a $29 phone and she told me that i was lucky as the normal price of my phone is $179, so i was getting a huge discount.

at this point i think i'll go back to my old, but reliable pink phone and when my contract on that phone expires this july, i will cancel with sprint.

frustrated beyond belief. xo. kat.

i hate sprint

2007-06-12T15:46:00.001-05:00

my phone that is currently only 36 days old, crapped out on me at some point this past saturday. i didn't really notice the problem until sunday and today was the first day i've had to take it into the shop. i went to the shop i purchased it at during my lunch break only to be told a tech needed to see it and that they are located somewhere else. well i just dropped my phone off at the tech and they aren't sure what is wrong w/ it, so i had to leave it w/ them as i didn't have time to wait the projected hour it would take. however while talking w/ these people i am made aware that my phone is now past the 30 day mark and that if it needs to be replaced i can do 1 of two things. pay $55 for a replacement phone (that only cost me $29 to begin w/) or i can call samsung and have them send me a replacement phone (which will take some unholy amount of time to receive). so i'm thinking this is way awesome. i'm sold a faulty phone and then i'm forced to pay for it. what a crock o' shit.

so i leave the store and look at my receipt and i realize 2 things:

1. apparently there is an estimated cost of $35 for them to even look at the phone which no one made me aware of until i took the time to look over my receipt.

2. it says on there under "description of problem" that the original store i went to basically lied to me about just needing a quick software update, as the receipt says "pecan plaza told her she needed a SW update, but i don't know how they checked". why you ask? because my key pad isn't working and there is no way they could have checked.

awesome. awesome. awesome.

i'm out money i don't have and if i want to cancel my contract w/ sprint it will cost over $200 to get out of it.

sprint sucks. just thought i'd share. xo. kat.

dreams & frustrations

2007-06-01T12:07:00.001-05:00

i woke w/ a start this morning. my hands were almost in fists, my teeth were clenched, my heart was racing and for the first time in a long time i felt relieved that i had finally gotten all those pent up frustrations out of my system. then i realized i had only been dreaming and those frustrations were still pent up inside w/ no hope of going away.

i came to work only to find an email from the object of my frustration. once again the wrong things were written and my frustration went thru the roof. i tried to be calm in my response. i wrote it 3 different ways and then reread it at least a dozen times before sending it. i really thought i had played the mature role, apparently i still was coming across as harsh. you would think someone would take the time to respond to you, even if in anger, but to cower out of the situation and only respond that you know you suck at emails.....what a cop out.

you constantly disappoint me and as much as i have loved you as a friend, you are now heading into murky waters and i don't know how quickly you are going to finally cross that line of no return. i don't know how much more i can handle. i know i will continue on w/ my end of the bargain, but you are inches away from just being know as 'his' friend vs. 'our' friend.

letting this go for now and looking forward to the rest of my day. xo. kat.

head space

2007-05-21T15:55:00.001-05:00

almost every night i wake up in the middle of the night and my mind starts wondering to all the things i have going on in my life. it could be something as big as how to make the mortgage payment next month or something as small as what i might wear to work the next day and everything in between. the weirdest thing is that the one constant is that i always think in narrative and come up w/ catchy blog titles that i'll use the next day. well the next day keeps coming and i keep not writing anything. i don't know what's up right now. it's like i want to write about every single thing that is happening in my life, but for some reason i can't get into the head space needed to get anything down. i am so frustrated w/ that right now. i mean for that matter i can't even get into the needed head space about anything unless it's 2 or 3 in the morning and all is asleep in my world. maybe i should just start getting up and writing then. that way i'll get it off my chest and stop holding everything in. then maybe, just maybe i'll be more motivated to get things done or move forward w/ all that is my life right now instead of sitting here in my stagnate little mess of a life.

you know the funniest thing, i'm actually really happy right now and i don't think my mind/body know how to process all of these new emotions/feelings.

once a mess, always a mess. xoxo. kat.

tuesday

2007-05-03T15:46:00.000-05:00

i'm on the verge of tears and thought i'd share. i just read that gilmore girls is officially ending on may 15th. for 6 or 7 years gilmore girls has been a big part of my tuesday night routine. now what will i do for that hour? i'm sure i could do something productive like love on timmy, clean, read, garden, work on salon stuff, but the reality is i love zoning out for an hour and just listening to the rhythm of lorali and rory talking about luke, logan, christopher, jess, dean, the gilmores, ms. patty, suki & jackson, harvard, the inn, whathaveyou. uggh..i know it's silly to be sad considering it is a tv show and it will still live on in syndication, but tuesday nights will never be the same w/ out them.

it's a sad. sad. day. but. i am in a great mood! xoxo. kat.

ps: happy birthday megan and happy 4th wedding anniversary to court & matt!!

my dream has come true!

2007-04-13T17:30:00.000-05:00

today my picture was on perezhilton.com!!

i could die of excitement.

stoked beyond belief & totally geeked out!! xo. kat.

figuring it out.

2007-03-22T15:08:00.000-05:00

wow. i haven't written on here in forever. it's not that i haven't wanted to, it's just that i haven't had the time or mind space to get down everything i want to say. my life has changed so much in the last 6 weeks, i almost can't even comprehend it. i almost don't even know where to begin because it's like every moment of everyday brings something new and exciting to my life and i just don't know how to process it all.

i guess the best way to start is to go back to the beginning.

on january 27th i was attending a "team meeting" for my horrid day job. when that meeting was over, my "team lead" asked me to stay behind in front of everyone. right off the bat my defenses were up because it was like being called to the principles office in front of your whole class. anywho, basically i was told that i wasn't working up to par and that i obviously wasn't happy, blah..blah...my response was pretty much, you're right, i hate it here and i'm actively looking for new employment. this was then followed up by me going back to my cube and calling tim, telling him that i was done w/ that place and i had to escape or i would no longer be able to survive. his response was something to the effect of why are you still there, we can figure it out, i've been telling you for years to leave that place. at this point i realized, holy crap, why am i still here?!? i then called my other boss at the job i actually liked and told him the situation, followed by the big question, can i work full time for you until the event it over?! 2 days later i was given a yes answer and after speaking w/ tim and jeromy, i knew i could work at the salon as the salon coordinator once the event was over, so all would be fine in my world. so...around 2pm on wednesday the 29th, i gave my notice. i did it w/ a shit eating grin on my face, that stayed plastered there until i walked out the door on february 9th. i have to say that when i left there i don't think i have ever been so sure of a decision in my life. it was frightening/exciting/nerve wrecking and amazing all in one. every day since then has felt almost exactly the same way.

i am still in a state of shock as i write this, but it's the good kind. the kind that is full of excitement and wonderment. you know the kind where you spend half of the day wondering what the fuck you did and the other half patting your own back. so far i am sticking w/ this was the best decision of my life. i am so thankful that tim encouraged me so much in this decision that he supported me 100%, that he gave me the strength to realize that i deserved more and could achieve more if i just escaped that hell hole. i mean don't get me wrong i learned a lot from that day job and i met some truly great people, but the emotional distress was so not worth it!

i guess the last tidbits i am going to leave behind are i am happy. genuinely happy. sxsw was a total success and i felt so honored to be a part of it from more than an attendee or volunteer stand point. it was like being in a secret society where only about 60 people in all of austin know about. i can't even explain the way it felt to be there, but it blew my fucking mind and no matter what happened or that i missed seeing mickey avalon on saturday due to load out, i still had a fanfuckintastic time and my love and passion for all things sxsw has not wavered a bit!

as for my future, i am hoping the big guy will make me a year round member vs. a seasonal member and that the salon will get by w/ me only working 2 days a week vs. 5. i guess my last bare all will be that we signed a lease on another project. i know we are crazy, but so far crazy has really worked out for us : )

going thru life one beautiful day at a time. xoxo. kat.

arby's

2007-01-29T12:33:00.000-06:00

holy goodness. i know in my heart that no one cares about this, but i have to say it. i am so full right now i could vomit. seriously, no one should eat what i just ate...ever...never...ever. uggh....please kill me now and take me from this misery.

currently considering aborting my food baby...ohh...blah..how very un PC of me! xoxo. kat.

time well spent

2007-01-12T08:55:00.000-06:00

i have been so busy lately that i have had zero time to write here and i need to. oh...i need to. i've been planning on doing a "2006 year in review", something that is politically correct and friendly as i need to send it to my entire family. you may ask why, and that answer would be, i totally flaked on sending christmas cards this year and i have yet to send my thank you notes from christmas or my birthday. i am so behind and so stressed out that yesterday my ENT specialist diagnosed me with TMJ. i know...it's weird isn't it?! once he told me what was going on, he said, "do you have any extra stress right now"? my response was "i work 3 jobs and am trying to have a baby?!". he just stared at me like i was nuts and then said, "that explains it" and that i need to reconsider my schedule and take a vacation. i kind of laughed and in my head i thought, sure come this april i'll be fine. at that point i'll have a 5 month break from SXSW, that is if they'll even have me back. i hope i'm doing a good job and i think i work w/ the team well, but it's hard to tell since i'm there at night and work by myself most of the time.

speaking of SXSW, they are sending me to NYC next weekend to throw a party for the computer geeks. i'm uber excited as it'll be a mini, paid for, vacation. i get to stay w/ my sister at heart and actually experience what it is like to vacation in the city. i've been there twice before, both times for my day job and i've experienced what it's like to live/work in the city for a week each time, but i was confined to the times square area, as my office is located above penn plaza and next to madison square garden. don't get me wrong i'm not complaining, but this time i'm going for 2 full days and 2 half days and will only be working about 4 hours of that time period, so i'm going to cram a lot of stuff in when i'm not working. of course this includes a trip or 3 to H&M and i can't wait!! for my birthday i got a gift card from there and i'm so excited i can't stand it!!! i love to shop and H&M is one of my favorites!!!

ok, i guess now i'm supposed to get back to work, concentrate on not clenching my jaws and try to keep myself from going to the bathroom in my pants because my anti-inflammatory makes my tummy hurt. was that TMI?! i guess i learned from reading dogfanatic's latest entry.....those kids are crazy!!!

2006 year in review coming to a blog near you. xoxo. kat.

tv on demand

2006-12-06T15:41:00.000-06:00

i have tv issues. my issues stem from working all freaking day long and that means that by the time i get home most of my shows have already started or i'm too tired to stay awake for them. this drives me crazy as i am a product of the "tv as my babysitter" generation. this habit of mine has gotten better, but lately i've found a new fix for my addiction. i'm probably the last to know, but most of the major network stations have there primetime shows on demand. as in i missed heros on monday and was able to watch it this morning while at work. i say watch, but the reality is that i listen while working and it's wonderful! just today i've been able to catch up on heros, studio 60 and now grey's anatomy. next up, catching up w/ this entire season of prison break & the oc on myspace.

i love technology. xoxo. kat.

i need toothpicks

2006-11-13T12:57:00.000-06:00

have you ever seen those cartoons where people, namely tom and jerry, hold their eyes open w/ toothpicks?! that is exactly how i feel today. i have so much going on and all i can think about is how much i want to crawl into my warm bed, cuddle up w/ tim, biskit and my woobie and sleep for the next 24 hours.

allergies + STITCH + an all day titos hangover yesterday = one tired kitty. xoxo. kat.

voting really works

2006-11-08T13:34:00.000-06:00

this is by far the most exciting day in political history in my lifetime . i can't believe we are living thru this. that we are a part of why this is happening. that we the people spoke and that we the people were heard! holy crap i could start crying because i am so excited about the possibility of the future. we can make it right again. we can become a strong nation again. we can have leaders who care and stand up for all things good. we can finally not be hated by the world. we may even be able to respect our president again. today is a good day.

the future's so bright we've gotta wear shades!! xoxo. kat.

day 32

2006-11-07T09:34:00.000-06:00

i'm choosing to write about this here because i have to get this out of me and i don't feel like talking about it, so i'm going to write about it. this is after all my blog and i shouldn't have to censor things here.

tim and i have been trying to have a baby, granted we just started officially trying in september, but this is something we really want and have been mentally and in some ways physically preparing for this for a while. last month i got my hopes up because i just knew it would happen right away. i mean it had to because my doctor has only given us a 6 month window for trying before we started getting tested. gee i love how 30 is the new 20, but biologically i'm still old to start trying to conceive. whatever. i'm starting to think that was my doctors polite way of saying "almost 8 years and no scare, there might be something wrong w/ you, ohh...and you're mother had problems conceiving and a miscarriage .....hmmm.....we'll say 6 months, but really you should just get tested now". ok..that's how i basically heard it. i know i'm taking it too far, but my mind is crazed right now.

so back to the point. i have been charting my period for a year and half and i've noticed that i average a 27 day cycle. so this month after trying, but not thinking about it, when i hit day 28 and still hadn't started, i kind of got excited. i didn't want to get my hopes up, but i started to give myself little percentages, like maybe since i'm X number of days late i can bump it up from 5% to 10%. then yesterday i kind of started to go nuts and couldn't understand why i was on day 31 and still hadn't started, but my tests were still coming up negative. everything on the net basically said i had all the symptoms, i mean i was only missing one!! my body had me convinced, so i called my insurance and found out that i could do blood tests for free and didn't need an appointment. needless to say yesterday i took off 45 minutes early and went to have some blood drawn. i couldn't help but be nervous/excited all night. i barely slept which was like the 7th night in a row. it's like that damn disneyland commercial where the kid says "i'm too excited to sleep" and then your ovaries melt. anywho.....i decided i had to pee @ 6am this morning, otherwise known as day 32 and there was my trusty old friend now arch nemesis and then the tears started. i tried to shake it off, but i couldn't. then i got to work and there was a message from my doctor. i waited about 20 minutes to call back because i was still holding out hope. that hope was crushed as soon as the nurse picked up the phone line and said "i just want you to know your test is negative". the worst part is you could tell she said it w/ a smile, not to be harsh or insensitive, just because that's her job and for some reason the chipperness in her voice really irked me and made the results so much worse. now i'm an emotional wreck and i keep crying on and off. logically i know it's silly to react this way, i mean people try for months, years, adopt and then get pregnant. i just was hoping that october was our month.........

maybe november will be our month. don't forget to vote today. the end. kat.

trick or treat

2006-11-01T10:51:00.000-06:00

yesterday was one of my favorite days of the year and it didn't disappoint. it started w/ my 'margot tennenbaum' costume. i walked into work and not 1, but 2 of my coworkers had no clue that is was me. they said the make up was so good that they didn't realize it was "kat" until i started speaking! hahahaha...of course no one at my office knew who i was and most hadn't ever heard of the movie, the royal tennenbaums, but thankfully i had brought along my trusty DVD cover to educate them all. once they saw it i was told that i did a great job on my costume and it was almost eerie how much we look alike!!

anywho....work seemed to take forever @ both jobs and finally at sx, i couldn't take it anymore and told my boss i had to leave. that the excitement of trick or treaters was just to much for me to handle. i rushed home around 6:30 and only a few minutes later our first trick or treaters came to the door. it was such an awesome experience, as i have never once in 13+ years of being on my own, had even 1 child come to my door begging for candy. last night i had what seemed like 50, but i could be exaggerating either way, it was awesome. the costumes were umm... interesting to say the least. apparently on the eastside a sweatsuit and a grocery bag are considered a costume. i shouldn't complain, it was a great experience, but i'm hoping next year the kids will put out a little more effort in the whole costume department!!

wishing for my own child to play dress up with and hoping that ali dressed the boys up!!! xoxo. kat.

saam

2006-10-27T14:43:00.000-05:00

with the passing of my beloved juliette i was forced to do the unthinkable and purchase a new car. amazingly enough my day job actually offers really great dealer discounts w/ most of the top car manufactures that are out there. so armed w/ a ton o' information i headed out to the car dealerships. i had convinced myself that i was either going to buy a new mitsubishi galant or sign a lease w/ saturn, as i know financially i can't afford a dream type car. tim was gracious enough to join me on this hunt and we braved our way to the saturn dealership as a first stop. after test driving a couple of cars i was allowed to leave the lot w/ a 2007 saturn aura to take an extended test drive. i drove around in that car for 2 days trying my hardest to love it and i realized it just wasn't me. i just couldn't handle spending that kind of money on a car i didn't really want. thankfully tim agreed, so we returned the car and said we'd get back w/ them later. then the conversation went from a new car to a new to me car. we drove around looking at used cars and as you can imagine i was less than thrilled. i mean i had juliette for 10 years, didn't i deserve something special to replace her? then it happened. we hit up another used car lot and there she was. all bright, shinny and begging to be driven. i talked to the sales guy (who even thou he appeared creepy, was really nice!) and after much discussion and looking at other cars, he brought the keys out and i knew right away that i had to have her. after a couple/few hours i left the lot w/ my new to me 2004 saab 93 turbo. she is so flippin cute. she came complete w/ a leather package, a crazy ass key and some totally strange cd stuck in her, but she's mine and i love her. on the way home from the dealership tim was driving her and i was driving his car, while she was in front of me i came up w/ her name. it's saam, yes w/ 2 a's to be totally lame : ) i adore her and she is helping ease the pain of losing juliette. oh..and speaking of juliette, they wouldn't take her as a trade in, so i have no idea what to do w/ her now...any suggestions??

cruisin' thru life in my new to me saab and sitting at home all day sunday waiting for my new w/d!!!! xoxo. kat.

juliette

2006-10-18T08:57:00.000-05:00

i miss you already and i haven't even let you go. i have loved you for 10 years, almost to the day. when i first took you for a spin you had only 2 miles on you and now you have over 130K. i have driven you to hell and back many a time and i have to admit i am devastated to let you go. i was hoping to hold on to you for another year or two, but last week you decided it was time and marc agrees, so with great pain i am going to let you go. we will always have sinclair, colorado, new orleans, coachella, the many trips between austin, houston and dallas, the make out sessions w/ tim, the way it felt when spring was coming and we'd roll down the windows and take a breath of fresh air while jamming to the eagles. yes, i said it, the eagles...that's her favorite band. she also loved blaring the smashing pumpkins and the predator album by ice cube. then her radio cracked and listening to a cd became almost impossible. then for some reason the buttons stopped working on her face and i was only given 4 radio stations to choose from. it's ok, i understood, she was getting old and didn't care about that stuff anymore. it really came to a head after the big hail storm 1.5 years ago. she was totalled out due to hail damage. honestly she now looks like a maroon golf ball, but she is my golf ball and i'm going to miss the hell out of here.

well now i'm crying. i don't know if i'll be able to handle taking her for a last spin to the dealership. i wish we could have had one last great trip, but i guess this will have to do.

juliette i will miss you, but you will always be my first! love. always. kat.

RIP my beloved 1997 maroon mitsubishi galant purchased in november 1996.

x.mas in october

2006-10-11T13:03:00.000-05:00

i just bought my first christmas present. i know it's early, but it was on sale and i know erica (my stepsis of 25 years) is going to love it!! lordy, i love christmas shopping. i love really thinking through what i'm going to give people and seeing their faces when they open it up.

1 down and something like 30+ to go! xoxo. kat.

going green

2006-10-11T09:31:00.001-05:00

things they are a changing. lately i've been reading a lot of articles dealing w/ living green and i'm starting to realize that i personally generate such a huge amount of trash and waste an enormous amount of electricity, so i've decided this has to stop. i'm going to start slow and hope to one day live a fully functioning, non earth damaging lifestyle. this is going to be a hard process, but we should each try to start somewhere. so far my baby steps consist of, bringing a coffee mug to work because every day i throw away at least 1 paper coffee cup, sometimes up to 3. i also need to start bringing my travel mugs to starbucks or cafe mundi when i go because that's at least 2 paper cups/plastic lids/paper sleeves thrown away each weekend. i also try to buy 1 plastic bottle of water and refill it as many times as possible before it totally grosses me out and then recycle it. speaking of recycling, we now are able to do it at home and the salon which is so nice, especially at the salon where there are dozens of aluminum cans/plastic & glass bottles consumed each week. another thing i read that was totally disturbing is that body wash gel takes 300 years to biodegrade?!? that sounds ridiculous and how could they even realistically test that, but either way i think i'm going to stop using it and go back to bar soap. i'm also considering buying all natural organic face & hair products. this freaks me out a bit because the consistency & smells aren't that friendly, but every little thing helps. i will have to admit that i doubt i will ever switch to organic toothpaste because from what i've read it's disgusting and truth be told, i love the minty fresh feeling crest/colgate/etc has to offer.

switching out our electricity sucking light bulbs for the ice cream cone ones, unplugging what isn't being used and living in a home built by a "green" builder. xoxo. kat.