i live(d) east

i've been holding this in for way too long, but i guess in most circles the cat is out of the bag, so to make a long story short, evan and i are moving into an apartment in 2.5 weeks. after 3 years of living in a home it took almost a year to build, i'm moving back to where i started.

point is, tim and i are going through a separation. bummer. i know. but what can we do? life keeps throwing us curve balls and we aren't doing a good job at batting them away.

we're hoping that living apart will help bring us back together. if not, then we'll hopefully move forward as really excellent co-parents and someday even friends!

so there, i've said it. i'm miserable and terrified, yet wishing for the best. some parts of this are exciting, like getting to decorate my own place again and that whatever the future holds, it has to be better then where i am now, so good things are on the horizon, i can feel it.

in case you didn't know, bad tv and a glass of cheap wine do wonders for escapism. xo. kat.

hung

as heard last night while watching "hung" on HBO, "i divorced a boy, so that i could marry a man". something to ponder.....

things they are-a-changin' xo. kat

ps: yes, i decided to get HBO again, they had me at "true blood".

breaking up

breaking up with anyone is an insanely hard decision. it consumes you on so many levels. whether you are letting go of a relationship w/ your significant other, your friend, a family member, a job, it just doesn't matter. it's all consuming and unhealthy. at some point you just have to cut lose your strings and move forward. kind of like "if you set them free and they come back, it was meant to be". i'm a firm believer in that, so i'm starting the slow process of setting everyone free. i'm not saying i want to be alone, it's just that i am so overwhelmed with life that i only have room for so much. the pain that everyone else is suffering is weighing on me heavily and i don't have it in me anymore. the weight from my own suffering is killing me and for evan's sake i have no choice, but to let go of everything else and find happiness within myself again before i can allow other people back in.

i know that comes across as shallow, harsh, callous, bitter, angry, and a zillion other hateful things being thrown my way, but i have no choice but to be ok with that.

sometimes starting over kicks you in the ass, sometimes it's for the best. that is all. kat.

random thought for the morning.

interesting thing about facebook is that you realize that 98% of the guys you grew up with and had massive crushes on, completely went downhill. about 1% stayed exactly the same and the other 1% transformed into something better.

curious if the guys have the same perspective?

btw...i no longer am a business owner, more to follow on that.... xo. kat.

which way did he go?

dear hermit.

your entire online presence seemed to disappear today. hope everything is ok.

kind of bummed one of my fav blogs is down. xoxo. kat.

wasting away

at what point do you say screw it, i've had enough. i love you, but i just don't like who we are anymore and i'm not sure if it's repairable? is staying together for the sake of a child the right reason or should you say goodbye before it gets even worse?

an ending is always a new beginning. that is all. kat.

sinkhole

currently wishing that i didn't feel this way. i am drowning in my misery and slowly starting to feel emotionally empty and void. the only bright light in my life is evan and knowing that at least one of the things that causes me the most pain / anger / heartache will be gone in 5 weeks at the latest.

now if that other thing could magically resolve itself life would be great. not sure how to make that happen, not even sure if i have the energy.

that is all. kat.